.....
Dear Shayla,
I miss you. I never thought for a second forever would come to an end.
I just always knew there would be another conversation, another chance to say I love you.. I was for sure that tomorrow would always come. I never pictured life without you and it hurts to realize that another memory won't be created, another laugh won't be shared and another moment won't be made.
It's like, how do I say goodbye to yesterday when everything I have to hold on to about you, lives there. And honestly waking up sometimes is bittersweet for me because everything seems normal until I open my eyes and realize it was just a dream.
After you left, I lived in regret for so long; thinking I could have been there more, thinking I should have called more, thinking I should have prayed for you more. I think to myself a lot about why is it so easy to express how much you love somebody once their no longer here?
Why didn't I make more of an effort to give you the roses while you can still smell them?
These thoughts were killing me. Until I realized something.. Until I realized that this is how you would want to be remembered. This isn't how you'd want our relationship to be remembered. You were to much of a happy soul to want anybody to live in regret and grief forever. You wouldn't want a celebration of your life because you believed that death isn't the end. Before a saved soul is just the beginning. This is nothing but the eternal reward that we all seek. You'd want me to keep your legacy alive by giving the world something that you taught me.
I hear you saying now, "Tori, it's not your job to understand God's plan but it is your job to trust it, even when it hurts to do so. And remember, blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted."
Just thinking about that keeps me strong. Me doing something in your memory makes me feel closer to you than I ever felt. It's like I can see your presence. It's like you're more alive to me than you've ever been. Now those tears of sorrow are replaced with tears of joy.
You taught me three things that I want people to hold on to once i'm gone.
Number 1: Is John 3:16.
Number 2: Is never live in regret but appreciation.
Number 3: Don't pass away with me but keep what I believe alive through you.
And I'll leave you with this.. You know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.
So leave to appreciate them all.
.....
Whysitgottabeme
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