Witty Profiles

Unmasked_Identity

1. Unmasked_Identity
   posted a quote
   November 24, 2013 12:54am UTC
   Recently I relapsed after 16 months of being cut free. I am not proud of what I've done, but I have accepted it. Tonight I was betrayed by a close friend. I broke down crying, but I didn't self-harm. Tonight I realized that I am stronger than this addiction and this illness. I have been tiptoeing around everyone, trying not to hurt those around me, but in the process of trying not to break everyone else, I ended up breaking pieces of myself. Tonight I am picking up the pieces and putting myself back together. I am stronger than the pain that plagues me, and I am determined to be okay again.
   
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2. Unmasked_Identity
   posted a quote
   August 22, 2013 7:31pm UTC
   Fourteen Months
   I have managed to survive for fourteen months without self harming, and I don't feel any better. My days only continue to get so much worse. Four more of my friends know. Two of them are like me. One of them is helpful. The other isn't even remotely close to helpful. The third one isn't like me, but he helps when he can, and I love him dearly for it. I can tell him anything. The fourth and I don't ever talk about it. He wasn't supposed to know, but now he does. I can feel him judging me, but I know he's trying to understand.
   So many of them think I'm okay. I don't know what I'm supposed to say to them anymore. I've been happy and upbeat because I'm "not allowed to be angry or sad" because my friends think I'm too hard to be around when I'm not happy. I'm trying to recognize my triggers and overcome it all, but god it's so freaking hard. I don't know what to do anymore.
   It's so hard to pretend I'm okay all of the time. I don't sleep at night. I still have nightmares. My family doesn't believe anything I say. They think I fake everything that's wrong with me. They just can't accept the fact that one of their own isn't perfect.
   I'm not even sure I want to be alive anymore. I mean, is it even worth it anymore? I've been working towards goals, but I've gotten nowhere. I'm spinning in circles, and I'm trying not to fall over, but it's harder every day. I was doing so well. At least I thought I was. I feel like everything is all for nothing.
   I want more than anything to slice across my arm and see my own wounded flesh. I haven't because I keep reminding myself of all the progress I've made, but it means less and less every single day. Nobody believes in me, so why should I believe in myself?
   I'm tired of pretending to be okay.
   I'm not okay.
   I don't want to be okay.
   
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3. Unmasked_Identity
   posted a quote
   April 3, 2013 8:50pm UTC
   So it's been a while
   since I last posted anything. I was doing really well for a long time. I was managing. I haven't self-harmed in almost ten months. I've done so well, and yet now all I feel is pain. All I feel is anger. But at the same time all I want to feel is nothing. I just want to be numb to the pain. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be the one daughter that disappointed my parents because I'm not exactly like my sister. I'm not perfect in school. I push people away. I hate my own father. All he ever does is scream at me and make me feel like I'm trash. I can't sleep at night. I don't want to sleep at night. The nightmares have returned. They did a few months ago, actually. I wake up more often than not covered in sweat and crying. I cry myself to sleep almost every night. I have to leave the radio on because it scares me to wake up in total silence. It's like I can hear the insults echoing in my head. That's where music has been my savior. Most of the time, it blocks out the memories, but on the days it doesn't, I don't know what to do. On the days that nothing helps and I feel like I can't even move, I have no one there. I guess I just don't understand how everything was going so well and now it's all crashing and burning until it's nothing. My friends were there and then suddenly they weren't. The one that knows about everything barely speaks to me anymore. When I need him most he isn't there. One of my friends told me that I'm not allowed to ever be sad because it's "too hard to be around me." Well I'm sorry if that's how they all feel but I don't want to be this way. I just am and I don't know what to do about it.
   I tried so hard to be someone my parents could be proud of. Someone people wanted to be friends with. Someone my teachers liked. Then I stopped caring. The only thing I needed was my friends and maybe some approval from my teachers. Now I've stopped caring all together. I don't know what to do.
   I know where it's hidden and all I want to do is slash it across my skin repeatedly. I know what everyone thinks of me. I never did anything wrong. I worked hard in school. I pretty much kept to myself. Everything just went downhill so fast without me ever changing a thing. I can't even say that I believe in God anymore. After everything I've gone through and all of the progress I've made, I just keep plunging back into darkness. If there is a God, he's a cruel one. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
   It's been nearly ten months and all I want to do is go back to the sharp objects and the cuts. Self-harming was the only thing I ever had control over. It's the one thing that still dulls the pain. It used to numb it, but now it at least dulls it down a bit.
   I don't want to go back to that dark place. I don't want to be drowning in my own misery again.
   
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4. Unmasked_Identity
   posted a quote
   November 17, 2012 8:34pm UTC
   She is an artist
   Though not of the typical kind
   Her canvas is made
   Of flesh and bone
   Her brush not of wood and thin hairs
   But metal
   Cool, shiny silver
   And the paint is of the blood
   That runs through her body’s blue veins
   Her work will be forever hidden
   Covered by the sleeves she pulls down tight
   Keeping her artwork out of sight.
   mq.
   
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5. Unmasked_Identity
   posted a quote
   November 4, 2012 6:38pm UTC
   I am broken
   beyond the point of mending.
   
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6. Unmasked_Identity
   posted a quote
   October 15, 2012 8:54pm UTC
   Never wanted to feel an emotion so ruthless
   Never expected pain to be bliss
   Never thought I’d be one to join the many
   Never dreamed I’d try to avoid options until I didn’t have any
   I try to find happiness
   But there’s none in sight
   I feel like a bird that just can’t seem to take flight
   I’ve finally got what I want
   But it’s not something I desire to flaunt
   I need to know when I’ll finally feel again
   When the pain will go away
   Because maybe just maybe, I too can be happy someday.
   mq.
   
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7. Unmasked_Identity
   posted a quote
   September 4, 2012 10:21pm UTC
   3 months!!!
   Today marks three months since the last time I cut and I couldn't be more proud of myself. I've had barely any urges to self harm and things are finally looking up. I think I'm going to be okay. Thank you so much to everyone who has supported me(:
   If you have any questions about cutting, feel free to ask. I will answer them in a quote and notify you when that quote has been added.
   
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8. Unmasked_Identity
   posted a quote
   August 15, 2012 11:20pm UTC
   I finally told someone...
   Today I told my best guy friend that I cut. He promised not to tell anyone and I'm so glad I said something to him. I feel like a large weight has been lifted just because one person knows and I don't feel so alone. I don't feel like I'm recovering on my own anymore. I think I'm finally going to be okay.
   If you have any questions about cutting, feel free to ask. I will answer them in a quote and notify you when that quote has been added.
   
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9. Unmasked_Identity
   posted a quote
   August 15, 2012 10:48pm UTC
   I'm okay
   I didn't cut yesterday. I somehow managed to keep myself from doing it. I'm glad I didn't. I feel good today.
   If you have any questions about cutting, feel free to ask. I will answer them in a quote and notify you when that quote has been added.
   
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10. Unmasked_Identity
    posted a quote
    August 14, 2012 11:45pm UTC
    I could do it.
    I could grab the sharp plastic from the broken fan and slice it across my wrist. It would be so easy. So simple. So painful yet so nice. Such an addictive feeling. It would make everything go away for a little while. Until next time. And the time after that. It's simple, really. All I need to do is slice it across my skin when I feel the urge and continue to lie. They all believe it and it would be so easy. Maybe I'll do it. Maybe I won't. That's for me to know and you to find out...
    If you have any questions about cutting, feel free to ask. I will answer them in a quote and notify you when that quote has been added.
    
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11. Unmasked_Identity
    posted a quote
    August 13, 2012 11:49pm UTC
    Questions from breedancerchick101
    Q: I'm a frequent cutter and I really wanna stop and I really wanna know a way I could stop, cuz I've tried everything I can think of but nothing has worked. Could you please help me?
    A: I use a lot of different methods to avoid cutting. One of them was suggested by another witty user (codababy37). She has a quote (http://www.wittyprofiles.com/q/5901572) that explains an excellent method to prevent cutting. I also use music and writing. I have playlists made up for my specific moods so that all I need to do is click on one to listen to the music that explains how I feel. I like to write out how I'm feeling too. It helps because it makes me think about everything and I can get to the bottom of the issue sometimes. When that doesn't work I take a nap or stare up at the ceiling for a while and think about nothing (I know, a bit boring, but sometimes it works). I really hope I've helped you
    If you have any questions about cutting, feel free to ask. I will answer them in a quote and notify you when that quote has been added.
    
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12. Unmasked_Identity
    posted a quote
    August 13, 2012 10:40pm UTC
    I don't necessarily want to die.
    I just want to stop living. I don't know if that makes sense. Sometimes I want to go to sleep and never wake up. I don't want to be dead. I just want to be asleep for a really long time. Kind of like being in a coma. I want to sleep until things feel okay again and I can stop cutting. It's been two months and nine days and I still feel the pull of wanting to hurt myself. I just want to be okay again.
    If you have any questions about cutting, feel free to ask. I will answer them in a quote and notify you when that quote has been added.
    
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13. Unmasked_Identity
    posted a quote
    August 7, 2012 11:34pm UTC
    Sometimes...
    I get scared that by creating these scars, I'll always be forced to remember the pain because I have physical reminders. I'm scared that someday when I'm an adult, I'm going to look down at my arms and start crying because I remember what it was like to feel like this. I hate that I do this to myself.
    If you have any questions about cutting, feel free to ask. I will answer them in a quote and notify you when that quote has been added.
    
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14. Unmasked_Identity
    posted a quote
    August 7, 2012 11:32pm UTC
    Do I think it's possible for me to stop cutting?
    Honestly, sometimes I really don't know. Every day is a challenge. Some days are easier than others. Some days I think I can succeed and others I come very close to breaking the promise I made to myself to stop. It all depends on the day and what happens. Cutting is an addiction. It's like what they say about drugs. Once you start it's hard to stop. I don't know if it's possible for me to stop, but I hope it is.
    If you have any questions about cutting, feel free to ask. I will answer them in a quote and notify you when that quote has been added.
    
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15. Unmasked_Identity
    posted a quote
    August 7, 2012 10:48pm UTC
    How is it possible to keep such a huge secret?
    It's not that hard actually. It has become such a normal thing for me to lie about my cuts and scars that it's not hard for me to hide it from everyone. Sure, sometimes I want to tell someone and have the support of my friends and family, but that's just not an option for me at the moment. I've accepted this and learned how to deal with it.
    If you have any questions about cutting, feel free to ask. I will answer them in a quote and notify you when that quote has been added.
    
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16. Unmasked_Identity
    posted a quote
    August 6, 2012 11:04pm UTC
    Questions from BriBri27:
    Q: What happens if you cut too deep? And how bad does it hurt?
    A: Thankfully, I've never cut too deep so I don't know how badly it hurts. My thought of cutting too deep would bee when you accidently cut so deep that it won't stop bleeding and you need stitches. I don't have much of an answer for this one since it has never happened to me. Sorry. I answered as best as I could.
    If you have any questions about cutting, feel free to ask. I will answer them in a quote and notify you when that quote has been added.
    
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17. Unmasked_Identity
    posted a quote
    August 5, 2012 11:28pm UTC
    What am I most afraid of?
    I'm afraid that I might go too far one time. Or that I might actually go so far as to commit suicide. Or that I'll cut too deep and I'll have to tell someone because it won't stop bleeding. I'm afraid of anything that could go wrong. I'm afraid I'll tell someone and regret it. That's partially why I haven't told anyone yet.
    If you have any questions about cutting, feel free to ask. I will answer them in a quote and notify you when that quote has been added.
    
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18. Unmasked_Identity
    posted a quote
    August 5, 2012 5:21pm UTC
    Two months!
    As of yesterday (August 4) I am two months cut free! It has taken so much effort to
    get this far and I am so proud of myself!
    
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19. Unmasked_Identity
    posted a quote
    August 3, 2012 11:07pm UTC
    Today has been pretty good...
    There are things I haven't exactly been happy about but that's to be expected. The
    last couple of days have actually not been too terrible. I've been around the people
    that make me happy and that makes things easier. I've been listening to a lot of
    music and that helps. I love music. It's an instant comfort to me. I love how it can
    match my mood perfectly all of the time, though I have playlists made up for
    different moods to help with that (something a good friend suggested to me and I'm
    glad she did) so that makes it a little easier to find music that fits my mood(: I just
    feel...happy. And it's the best feeling in the world.
    
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20. Unmasked_Identity
    posted a quote
    August 1, 2012 12:53am UTC
    Life is tough.
    This is something I've learned the hard way. Life is never fair. Bad things happen to
    good people and amazing things happen to horrible people. Dealing with this isn't
    always easy. I know this from experience. I've been trying so hard to stay strong. I
    don't know how I've made it as long as I have. I don't know what God's plan for me
    is, but right now it seems as though he hates me. I know that's not the case but
    that's how it feels. I can't always be strong and people don't understand this. I've
    always been a pretty strong person when it comes right down to it. Music is a large
    part of that. It's saved my life on multiple occasions. I don't know how I'm supposed
    to handle everything and I don't know what my plan is. I don't know how to tell
    people that I need help. I don't know who to go to. It's been very hard on me. I had
    an opportunity not that long ago to talk to someone that could have helped me,
    but I didn't. I chickened out and I shouldn't have. I don't know what to do at this
    point. I know I need help, but I don't have anyone to go to right now. The adults I
    trusted at my school are gone now. I don't know who to turn to. I'm just so confused
    and scared. The scars on my arms remind me what I'm capable of and that scares
    me the most. I just want my path to be clear. I want to know what I'm supposed to
    do. I'm scared.
    
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