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ThatFinnKidd

Chloe149
posted a quote
August 13, 2012 8:26am UTC

Me: * Sees a spider *
Me: * Tries to squish it with a pillow.*
Dad: That poor spider.
Me: What?
Dad: He probably had a family.
Me: Don't try and make me feel guilty.
Dad: He was so young.
Me: It's not going to work.
Dad: You murderer..
Me: No, I'm not!
Dad: You took a life.
Me: But it's a spider!!!
Dad: An innocent spider.
Me: But...
Dad: Apologies to his children.
Me: I'm not listening.
Dad: He might even have grandchildren.
Me: What?!
Dad: Their dad won't be coming home tonight.
Me: How do you even know it's gender.
Dad: I thought I raised you better...
Me: OKAY, OKAY. I'M REALLY SORRY MR.SPIDER. I WON'T HURT YOU ANYMORE>
* Spider gets up and walks away.
Dad:
Me:
Spider:
Dad:
Me:
Dad:
Me: HE.WASN'T.EVEN.DEAD o_e

👍 this is good · read the comments · 211 points

alliecat2323
posted a quote
August 9, 2012 11:11am UTC

Dear Sweatpants and Hoodies,
Thanks for being there for me.
Sincerely,
Sexy and I know it, but too Lazy to show it.
#AthleteSwag ♥

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 382 points

animallovers46

posted a quote
August 9, 2012 3:14pm UTC

How to annoy Pizza Hut:
Me: Hello, Pizza Hut?
Pizza hut: Yes? How can we help you?
Me: Can you give me the number for Domino's?

👍 this is good · read the comments · 593 points

MaddyWaddy
posted a quote
August 9, 2012 10:33am UTC

me: whatcha eating?
guyfriend: chicken boobs.
me: you mean chicken breasts...?
guyfriend: no, chicken boobs.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 471 points

CaliGirlSwag
posted a quote
August 9, 2012 2:44pm UTC

Stopping in the middle of a conversation to say,
"You smell good."

👍 this is good · read the comments · 668 points

gloriaLOVE
posted a quote
August 9, 2012 11:10am UTC

Me: *singing Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song*
Him: Ohmygosh, 90's kid shows! Gotta love 'em!
Me: I know, right?
Me: My kids are gonna be forced to watch shows like CatDog.
Me: And Courage the Cowardly Dog.
Him: ... You mean our kids?

👍 this is good · read the comments · 651 points

ToriCooper
posted a quote
August 9, 2012 12:03pm UTC

Maybe Voldomorts face is flat
because he ran into
The wrong wall at the train station.
blacklace

👍 this is good · read the comments · 744 points

Cassidy_Skye10
posted a quote
August 9, 2012 11:12am UTC

That awkward moment
When Willow Smith can't whip her hair back and forth because she shaved it off.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 686 points

AustinH
posted a quote
August 9, 2012 10:22am UTC

Person is typing...
Person is typing...
Person is typing...
Person: hi

👍 this is good · read the comments · 729 points

heyitsmadeline
posted a quote
August 9, 2012 10:13am UTC

Perfect Way to Make a Messy Bun:
1. Make a normal bun.
2. Get Attacked.
You're Welcome.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 885 points

LacedRibbon
posted a quote
August 9, 2012 10:33am UTC

ME AT THE MALL
Me: *Walks into mall*
Me: Whoo, air conditioning.
Me: *Looks at mom and younger sibling*
Me: I swear to god, I'm the only teenager who has to come to the mall with there family.
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: *Looks at a group of teenagers*
Me: You b/tches look like the cast of 90210
Me:
Me: I'm so jealous.
Me: *Sniff*
Me: Hollister is just around the corner.
Me: *Sniff sniff*
Me: Across from Abercrombie and fitch.
Me:
Me: I bet that whole hallway smells like teenage boys and stuck up girls.
Me:
Me:
Me: Ohhh that outfits so freakin' PRETTY.
Me: *Looks at price tag*
Me: *Walks away sadly*
Me:
Me:
Me: He's so hot.
Me: Hey Mr. Hotty
Me: *Walks a little farther away from mom*
Me: Hey Mr. Hot hotty hot stuff hot guy hot like chilly peppers
Me: *Attempted wink turns into awkward blinking*
Me: Oh you have a girlfriend.
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: Forever alone.
Me: *Walks into store with family*
Mom: Oh, this looks like a lovely shirt! Do you like it? *Holds up hideous blouse*
Me: No, mom.
Mom: But its-
Me: No.
Me: *Walks out of store*
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: Ohh forever21
Me: *peaks in store*
Me: Too many teenage girls that are prettier than me.
Me: Too jelous.
Me: ABORT ABORT ABORT.
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: Ooh, smells like pretzels and cinnamon.
Me: But thats how they get you.
Me: Put that obnoxious smell out in the air so it'll make you come in.
Me: ... It's like Hollister..
Me: But with pretzels.
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: *Walks into build-a-bear*
Me: *Builds a bear*
Me: I'm gonna call you Ted
Me: *Hugs bear*
Me: Just know that in a couple of weeks you'll probably be under my bed in a pile of lint.
Me:
Me:
Me: *Sees group of teenagers*
Me: *Gives bear to mom to save the embarrassment of walking around with a teddy*
Me: Sorry Ted.
Me: It's not me, it's you.
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: *Makes eyecontact with girl*
Me: B/tch I hate you.
Me: Fall off a cliff.
Me: *Walks farther away from girl*
Me: I'm so jealous of her, she's so pretty.
Me:
Me:
Me:
Mom: We should be going home now.
Me: I didn't even get anything.
Mom: WELL HURRY UP AND GET A SHIRT.
Me: *Hurries in random store and grabs lipgloss and a pair of earrings*
Mom: This is all you want?
Me: Yeah
Mom: *Buys stuff*
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me:
Santa Claus:
The queen of England:
Pencil:
Shoelace:
Banana:
Bob Marley:
Me: I'm pathetic.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1205 points

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