This is a piece of my so called diary. ;D 06.01.2011.
"Sometimes in quiet evening I am thinking... What are we waiting for? Either Grimm Reaper to come and ruthlessly take us or happiness knocking on door bringing us new hopes? But there are even more questions what keeps me up at the night... Like will I ever meet my true love? Maybe it sounds silly but it is one of two things I yearn for. That's right, there are only two desires for me left. The first one is to find the love of my life and the second one is even more important for me these days - being with trustworthy friends. Of course, I would not cease until I can feel like have at least one of these things. But Budha believed that pain is cost by desires. I think I will drop my desires as soon as I am satisfied. Then I would be ready to become a budhist. It sure sounds stupid. ;D But still... I won't be asking for more. I have been listening to my heart recently more than ever before so I know what my heart asks for. It is more like screaming. My hollow muscular organ whose rhythmic contractions pump blood through the body is demanding for satisfaction. ;D So this why it is necessary to fill it with friendship and love because hole in it is very deep and dark. I have to be more affectionate to my friends and open-minded to people surrounding me because it could help me find new friends. Then just like that I would run into Mister Right for me, not Mister Perfect. You know what I am talking about. ;D What is there to complain about? Now I see there is nothing. :) Maybe I should spend more time with my friends.? But it always seems like we are in lack of time... Or maybe they just don't want to do it? Who knows? Maybe I like hanging out (read: hiding out ;D ) at home. I feel safe here but bored too.It is just so much better if they come to me rather I have to go their places. Idk really. I wish someone could answer me these questions... Maybe then I would not feel so lonely. Who am I kidding? Loneliness definitely would go away immediately. My usual life... Every evening I spend at home without my friends I listen to the music which make me only sadder. Who knows... maybe it is better to let myself feel pain...? But it still ain't helping. They won't go away anyway. I can hide them, I can show them but I want to be with him. But question remains - WHO IS HE? I hope to find out soon. ;D Maybe I should put on a big smile and pretend I'm okay? No one cares about how I feel inside. Friends usually cheer me up but my problems stay. It would be easy to be with, love him. Then I would never be lonely again. Then I will be much happier... Then... We would live happily ever after... It is childish but I really believe in it. I am really keen on finding that Special Someone, Light in dark, Glass of cool water in desert, a cup of hot tea in cold winter evening. And then again... I have only few friends, I need more. I am a people person, I need to communicate. I like to stay in touch with people. Yea, maybe I need many things but that's for Best. :D Future seems so far away but I should be building it this INSTANT!!! Anyhow would love to say from my heart - THIS IS SUCH AN AMAZING LIFE! I would love to be happy like a fool. :) Maybe I will. There are so many positive things around me. I can call my dearest friends anytime - day or night - it does not matter. :) I am happy to have them. :)"
This is how it ends. Kinda long. ;D Anyhow pardon my bad English, this is not my native language.
BustedLover