This is a piece of my so called
diary.
;D
06.01.2011.
"Sometimes in quiet evening I am thinking... What are we
waiting for? Either Grimm Reaper to come and ruthlessly take us or
happiness knocking on door bringing us new hopes? But there are
even more questions what keeps me up at the night... Like will I
ever meet my true love? Maybe it sounds silly but it is one of two
things I yearn for. That's right, there are only two desires
for me left. The first one is to find the love of my life and the
second one is even more important for me these days - being with
trustworthy friends. Of course, I would not cease until I can feel
like have at least one of these things. But Budha believed that
pain is cost by desires. I think I will drop my desires as soon as
I am satisfied. Then I would be ready to become a budhist. It sure
sounds stupid. ;D But still... I won't be asking for more. I
have been listening to my heart recently more than ever before so I
know what my heart asks for. It is more like screaming. My hollow
muscular organ whose rhythmic contractions pump blood through the
body is demanding for satisfaction. ;D So this why it is necessary
to fill it with friendship and love because hole in it is very deep
and dark. I have to be more affectionate to my friends and
open-minded to people surrounding me because it could help me find
new friends. Then just like that I would run into Mister Right for
me, not Mister Perfect. You know what I am talking about. ;D What
is there to complain about? Now I see there is nothing. :) Maybe I
should spend more time with my friends.? But it always seems like
we are in lack of time... Or maybe they just don't want to do
it? Who knows? Maybe I like hanging out (read: hiding out ;D ) at
home. I feel safe here but bored too.It is just so much better if
they come to me rather I have to go their places. Idk really. I
wish someone could answer me these questions... Maybe then I would
not feel so lonely. Who am I kidding? Loneliness definitely would
go away immediately.
My usual life... Every evening I spend at home without my friends I
listen to the music which make me only sadder. Who knows... maybe
it is better to let myself feel pain...? But it still ain't
helping. They won't go away anyway. I can hide them, I can show
them but I want to be with him.
But question remains - WHO
IS HE?
I hope to find out soon. ;D Maybe I should put on a big smile and
pretend I'm okay? No one cares about how I feel inside. Friends
usually cheer me up but my problems stay. It would be easy to be
with, love him. Then I would never be lonely again. Then I will be
much happier... Then... We would live happily ever after... It is
childish but I really believe in it. I am really keen on finding
that Special Someone, Light in dark, Glass of cool water in desert,
a cup of hot tea in cold winter evening. And then again... I have
only few friends, I need more. I am a people person, I need to
communicate. I like to stay in touch with people. Yea, maybe I need
many things but that's for Best. :D Future seems so far away
but I should be building it this INSTANT!!! Anyhow would love to
say from my heart - THIS IS SUCH AN AMAZING LIFE! I would love to
be happy like a fool. :) Maybe I will. There are so many positive
things around me. I can call my dearest friends anytime - day or
night - it does not matter. :) I am happy to have them.
:)"
This is how it ends. Kinda
long. ;D Anyhow pardon my bad English, this is not my native
language.
This is a piece of my so called diary. ;D 06.01.2011. "Sometimes
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Mar 20, 2012 4:12pm
