Punny Quotes

BravoSierra
posted a quote
April 7, 2014 5:00pm UTC

are you african
because your're a frican bítch

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 36 points

BravoSierra
posted a quote
April 4, 2014 5:56pm UTC

i broke up with gym class.
it just wasn't working out.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 64 points

Just an average kid*
posted a quote
March 31, 2014 5:45pm UTC

Doctor: Nurse! How's the boy that swallowed the quarters?
Nurse: Still no change

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points

piercethegabrielle
posted a quote
March 30, 2014 12:46am UTC

YO MAMAS SO DIRTY I KINDLy helped her clean behind her ears with a gentle wash cloth and cucumber scented dove soap

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points

SuperNovaChic
posted a quote
March 28, 2014 2:47pm UTC

Hey, thanks for defining the word "many" for me. It means a lot. XD

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 25 points

BravoSierra
posted a quote
March 28, 2014 11:46am UTC

I couldn't figure out how to fasten my seatbelt.
Then it clicked.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 36 points

*crybaby*
posted a quote
March 28, 2014 1:54am UTC

HOW DID BARACK PROPOSE TO MICHELLE?
HE GO ON ONE KNEE, PULLED OUT A RING, AND SAID "I DON'T WANNA BE OBAMASELF"

👍 this is good · read the comments · 133 points

cocopuffs
posted a quote
March 27, 2014 10:31pm UTC

a dyslexic man walks into a bra

👍 this is good · read the comments · 16 points

*crybaby*
posted a quote
March 19, 2014 1:05am UTC

I would never let my kids watch the orchestra, too much sax and violins.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 19 points

justalilpoptart
posted a quote
March 7, 2014 11:07pm UTC

Friend: Did you know that they put cow bone marrow in-
Me: Is that a good source of.. Cowcium?

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 1 point

justalilpoptart
posted a quote
March 7, 2014 11:02pm UTC

You know juana put down the weed

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 2 points

RugsFromMeToYou
posted a quote
March 3, 2014 2:21pm UTC

A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
Please don't take offence, I'm laughing at a witty pun, not dyslexic people.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points

Jordan.*
posted a quote
January 23, 2014 4:58pm UTC

Hearts are wild creatures,
that's why our ribs are cages.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 136 points

Dishonored*
posted a quote
January 3, 2014 9:35pm UTC

me: idk ;) isn't the same unless
you send a s.hitload of them.
guy: ;);););););););) now is it the same?
me: si, but diversity ;p d; ;b q; ;D
guy: but diversity isn't the same :p
me: bahahaha was that a joke?
because I mean hahaha punny.
guy: ???
How I ruin conversations, guys.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 7 points

lost dreamer*
posted a quote
December 30, 2013 6:17pm UTC

So in my AP biology class the other day, we were getting really off topic...
Dr. Looney: *rings cow bell to get us to shut up*
Dr. Looney: You know, students are kinda like cows - one strays, the rest follow.
Ryan: You mean we're udder joys to teach?
Katy: C'mon Dr. Looney, you gotta milk it for all it's worth!
...AP biology, ladies and gentlemen.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 18 points

LandonIsWitty
posted a quote
December 30, 2013 12:52am UTC

were you the first person on earth?cause aDAMN

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 11 points

Dishonored*
posted a quote
December 24, 2013 3:16am UTC

So, I saw these Santa shaped
candy bars, and I guess they
were like Crunch bars becuase
they were called Crisp Kringles
and omfg my sister had to escort
me out of the building because I
couldn't breathe from laughing
so hard. So punny.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points

ChildOfTheTardis
posted a quote
December 16, 2013 9:57pm UTC

Camping is intenseGet it?No?......ok

👍 this is good · read the comments · 4 points

smileschangepeople
posted a quote
December 15, 2013 12:48pm UTC

Mom: "It's snowing"
Me: "I snow"
Get it like snow=know...ok it's not funny I get it a lot

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 9 points

chops2013
posted a quote
November 17, 2013 8:31am UTC

There was once lived a shrimp.
This shrimp had a best friend called Christian.
when suddenly they saw a shark andran away
because the shark would eat them.
The shrimp says to Christian
"I wish i was a shark I could do whatever I wanted"
That night the shrimp goes home and prays to Poseidon
"Poseidon! Poseidon! Please make me a shark"
The next morning he wakes up and he is a shark!
He goes looking for his friends, but they all run away because
they jsut see a shark. So that night he prays to Poseidon again.
"Poseidon! Poseidon! Please i've made a horrible mistake! please
make me a shrimp again!"
The next morning he wakes up and he is a shrimp!
he goes outside and looks for his friend but he can't find him anywhere
He runs around screaming
"Christian! Christian! I'm a prawn again Christian!"
-I laughed far too much at this joke! xD

👍 this is good · read the comments · 5 points

Witty Profiles

Punny Quotes