Best Punny Quotes Ever

Eli22b
posted a quote
July 12, 2013 10:34pm UTC

I really wish I knew sign language,
it'd be pretty handy.

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glitter162*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 4:13pm UTC

Internet Explorer: At least we still have each other
White Crayon: Yeah

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Eli22b
posted a quote
July 6, 2013 12:07am UTC

You know whats odd to me?
Numbers that aren't divisable by 2.

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glitter162*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 4:15pm UTC

*During a spelling test*
Me: Does spelling count

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 165 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 4:37pm UTC

Me: Motherfu*ker
Dad: *walk in* You called?

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glitter162*
posted a quote
August 30, 2013 3:00pm UTC

Did you hear about the
guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 137 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 4:29pm UTC

The guy who created
knock-knock jokes deserves a no-bell prize

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*crybaby*
posted a quote
March 28, 2014 1:54am UTC

HOW DID BARACK PROPOSE TO MICHELLE?
HE GO ON ONE KNEE, PULLED OUT A RING, AND SAID "I DON'T WANNA BE OBAMASELF"

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glitter162*
posted a quote
August 30, 2013 3:04pm UTC

A new type of broom came
out. It's sweeping the nation.

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Jordan.*
posted a quote
January 23, 2014 4:58pm UTC

Hearts are wild creatures,
that's why our ribs are cages.

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BravoSierra
posted a quote
November 4, 2013 8:21pm UTC

I broke a finger tonight.
But on the other hand, I'm completely fine.

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BravoSierra
posted a quote
June 9, 2013 10:57am UTC

BravoSierra's format
I broke up with my gym.
It just wasn't working out.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 119 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 4:18pm UTC

Milk was probably just
invented when someone tried to have oral s*x with a cow

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Breeze
posted a quote
August 23, 2013 8:30am UTC

Girl: *pulls out report card*
Girl: I'm well rounded.
Me: *rubs stomach*
Me: So am I.

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glitter162*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 4:31pm UTC

What the buffalo say
to his son when he left for college?
Bison.

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glitter162*
posted a quote
July 9, 2013 2:17pm UTC

I named my dog "5 Miles" so
I could tell people I walk 5 miles everyday.
Oh, who am I kidding? I don't even do that.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 92 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 4:35pm UTC

Where don't hipsters fish?
The mainstream

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 89 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
July 9, 2013 2:13pm UTC

Guy: So then I said...
Guy: KNIFE to meet you!
Guy: *chuckles* It was a funny little pun.
Woman: You stabbed my father!
Woman: We have to call an ambulance!
Father: Don't worry, I'm in STABle condition.
Guy:
Woman:
Harry Potter:
Doctor Who:

👍 this is good · read the comments · 99 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 2, 2013 3:56pm UTC

I wear two pairs of pants
while golfing in case I get a hole in one

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 74 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 2, 2013 4:06pm UTC

Pickle: I'm kind of a big dill.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 75 points

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Best Punny Quotes Ever