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ThePerfectMess

TheQueers
posted a quote
April 7, 2012 10:32am UTC

My attempt at eating healthy:
me: okay, breakfast. niice healthy fruit.
my mom: oh and heres some kit kats for easter!
me: HAHAHA MOVE OUTTA THE WAY, WE GOT KIT KATS IN DA HOUSE!!!!!!!!
my
Format by Sandrasaurus

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 845 points

audreyann
posted a quote
April 7, 2012 1:10pm UTC

I just broke up with my boyfriend. He was also my best friend. He was my everything; the cheer to my cheerios, the sun in my sunshine. I will never be the same girl again. My life is over. I don't believe in love anymore.
...YOU'RE TEN YEARS OLD.

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BaybiiGurlii25
posted a quote
March 28, 2012 4:32pm UTC

THAT ONE FRIEND WHO GETS THE JOKE
1O minutes after its told.

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ThatsSoMeee

posted a quote
March 28, 2012 4:02pm UTC

"I think the words you stop
yourself from saying are the ones
that will haunt you the longest"
-Taylor Swift

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1134 points

cheezburger
posted a quote
March 28, 2012 2:22pm UTC

Last night, I got out his car,
and he screamed "I love you!"
I replied "I love you too,
Dad."
mq CHEEZBURGER FORMAT AND QUOTE.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 824 points

BravoSierra
posted a quote
March 28, 2012 2:34pm UTC

credittoforgeter
I don't understand
why guys think it's so sexy to take a picture of themselves with their hand down their pants. When I see a picture like that, I think, "There's someone who masturbates."

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ninjamim
posted a quote
March 28, 2012 2:02pm UTC

*logs on to witty*
popular person:
72395602835
SCREW LIFE I GOT ONE MORE YESTODAY GRR -.-
me:
.1.
FAWK YES *faints*

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RainDancer96
posted a quote
March 28, 2012 1:30pm UTC

Gah, I'm soooo fat. I needa lose weight. At least 10 pounds.
Try taking off your makeup.

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Makala37
posted a quote
March 28, 2012 7:32pm UTC

Fav if you knew Josh Hutcherson before he was on The Hunger Games;
But when he was on Bridge To Terabithia, ♥

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1755 points

biamontet1
posted a quote
March 28, 2012 4:22pm UTC

If students secretly think teachers are hot
I wonder,
if teachers secertly think students are hot?
♥

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ThatsSoMeee

posted a quote
March 28, 2012 3:53pm UTC

I hate that thing that happens
Right before you sleep.
Every mistake you've ever made,
Every word you wish you never said,
Every moment that made you cry
rushes through your head
and all you can do about it is cringe
and pretend it never happened...

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1997 points

nebraska99
posted a quote
March 26, 2012 3:17pm UTC

We found bread
in a toastless place!
-Hunger Games

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 512 points

its_okay_not_to_be_okay
posted a quote
March 26, 2012 4:08pm UTC

Katniss Everdeen, the girl on
Fire

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alibaby2014
posted a quote
March 26, 2012 2:18pm UTC

Girls Want- Attention.
Women Want- Respect.

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cheetah678
posted a quote
March 26, 2012 11:08am UTC

Perfection
1. Now take away the 2nd "e"
2. Replace it with an "i"
3. Delete the "Per"
4. Now read the result
Nobody's perfect, everyone has a flaw, and if they don't they're fake

👍 this is good · read the comments · 459 points

emsteffers
posted a quote
March 26, 2012 10:26am UTC

Find the American
♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀
♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀
Cant do it can ya?
because we are all human
just kidding the American is
probably at McDonalds
;)

👍 this is good · read the comments · 440 points

hotchick123
posted a quote
March 26, 2012 2:21pm UTC

*Police catches woman speeding*
Officer: Sorry ma'am but you were speeding
Woman: Oh sorry
Officer: Can I see you're license ma'am
Woman:I'd show you it,but I don't have one
Officer:What?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for different reasons
Officer: I see... Can I have your registration papers please
Woman: I can't do that
Officer: Why not ma'am
Woman: I stole this car
Officer:Stole it?
Woman: Yeah and I killed the owner,he's in the trunk.
*The officer calls back-up*
Officer 2: Ma'am step out of your vehicle
*Woman steps out*
Officer 2: My fellow officer said you stole this car and mudered the owner.
Woman: What?
Officer2: Open the trunk ma'am
*women opens trunk and it's empty*
Officer2: Is this your car
Woman: Yes here are the papers*gives papers*
Officer 2: Oh... Do you have a license ma'am
*women gives license from her bag*
Officer 2 : The officer said you stole this car and mudered the owner and you didn't have a license
Woman: God! I bet he said I was speeding too!
I was laughing so much when I saw this

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MyWittyProfile
posted a quote
March 26, 2012 3:26pm UTC

You had me at "Hello"
and lost me at "I don't like the Hunger Games"
format credit to: cheeseylovesongs

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1008 points

countrygirl123
posted a quote
March 26, 2012 10:25am UTC

Steve just said on facebook:
"Witty is about sharing meaningful (or funny or emotional or clever) passages written to express yourself. If your quote resonates with someone, they'll fave it or comment on it. Please do not ask for faves or comments in your quotes, because doing so is now officially against the rules (and will probably get your quote deleted by the mods)"
I think I speak for everyone when I say thank you Steve
nmq/nmf

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kirsten97
posted a quote
March 26, 2012 10:31am UTC

Liam: So Niall, If Your From Ireland...Why Are You Not A Leprechaun?
Niall: . . . . . . . . . .
Louis: Omg Liam, You Can't Just Ask People Why They're Not Leprechauns..
(:

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