Best Rofl Quotes This Month

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 8, 2013 7:29pm UTC

I like when Google answers
my stupid questions because it means I'm not the only one asking Google stupid questions.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 220 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 13, 2013 3:50pm UTC

I'd fight a bear for you. Not a
grizzly. Or a brown bear. Or a panda. But maybe like a Care Bear? I'd fight one of those bit/ches for you. ♥

👍 this is good · read the comments · 222 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
July 11, 2013 6:51pm UTC

Girl on Facebook: To look in the mirror and see that the person staring back isn't you...
Me: Then it's probably a window instead.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 216 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 16, 2013 7:38pm UTC

Tell someone, "you wore that
shirt the day after yesterday" and see how long it takes them to get it.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 211 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 23, 2013 5:28pm UTC

When I die, I'm going to
invite everyone I ever knew to my funeral, and I'll make sure they play a remix of "Call Me Maybe", "Gangnam Style", and "Harlem Shake" and whoever sticks it out the longest is going to inherit everything I have.
Yes, I put the fun in funeral.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 200 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 13, 2013 3:56pm UTC

I'm single by choice. Not my
choice, but still a choice.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 199 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 14, 2013 7:13pm UTC

I'm just going to start carrying
around a voice recorder so that when someone makes a promise, I can record it and play it back to them later when they forget about it like people do in TV shows.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 192 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 20, 2013 8:08pm UTC

I wrote a song about a tortilla.
Actually, it's more of a wrap.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 191 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 27, 2013 5:09pm UTC

I hope I can still remember the
dance to 'Thriller' when I become a zombie.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 187 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
August 29, 2013 5:30pm UTC

Music teacher: What's your favorite musical instrument?
Me: The lunch bell

👍 this is good · read the comments · 185 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 13, 2013 3:37pm UTC

Looking up symptoms online is
not a good idea. Pretty sure I have scurvy, pneumonia, the bubonic plague, dry skin, leprosy, and death.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 180 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
October 12, 2013 7:13pm UTC

When a book does not
adequately describe a character, so you just fill in the blanks but later you actually get a description so you just want to shout, "WRONG! YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE AND NOW YOU ARE WRONG!"

👍 this is good · read the comments · 185 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
October 12, 2013 7:18pm UTC

Okay, so last week after
volleyball practice, I walked back into the school building to find maple syrup splattered across all of the lockers. A mysterious pair of snowshoes were leaning against the wall. My friend walked in behind me, took one look around and said, "The Canadians were here."

👍 this is good · read the comments · 175 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 10, 2013 7:21pm UTC

Are the Pringles guy and the
Monopoly guy related?

👍 this is good · read the comments · 171 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
July 11, 2013 6:45pm UTC

So you like bad girls, huh?
Well then, you'll love me because I'm bad at everything.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 172 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
July 1, 2013 7:26pm UTC

I wonder if Earth makes fun
of other planets for having no life.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 169 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
July 11, 2013 7:24pm UTC

Back in the day, it was called
daydreaming. Now it's called ADHD.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 168 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 4:13pm UTC

Internet Explorer: At least we still have each other
White Crayon: Yeah

👍 this is good · read the comments · 174 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 21, 2013 2:04pm UTC

Men say that a woman's
place is in the kitchen. Just remember that's where all the knives are.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 169 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 19, 2013 5:54pm UTC

Am I the only one that, when
using a school bathroom, refuses to:
1) Pee when someone else is in the bathroom
2) Pee when someone else gets strangely quiet
3) Pee when someone else has a phone/camera with them
4) Pee when someone is having a conversation in there with someone else
5) Pee when there are a lot of people using the bathroom
So yeah, basically I can't ever use the bathroom.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 178 points

Witty Profiles

Best Rofl Quotes This Month