"Why do you push people away?" "You need to learn to stop pushing people away." " Why won't you let me in? I care about you"

These three questions, questions like them, phrases, demands like those aer the key to making me want to cut you out of my life.

See for me pushing people away and out of my life is sort of like a mental pattern that I've developed. I can't just stop. See when I was six years old I figured out that if I don't let people get close to me, when they leave, you don't get hurt and if you do look for someone to blame you get to blame yourself. I mentally can not believe that you "care" about me or want to protect me or want to get close to me. Because when I was six years old, the woman who gave birth to me, the one who is supposed to love and care for you no matter what, that woman, abandoned me and my siblings. She kept crying and saying she loved me and cared for me but yet she walked out. Walked out for two years, made a guest appearance for a few months, and fades in and out of my life for the past 10 years. This woman looked me straight in the eyes, could see the heart break and pain she was causing, and yet she chose to leave anyway. Also at this time my dad who "cared for me" "wanted to protect me" did some pretty shady stuff that he should have ended up in jail for. 
Ever since then friends, and family members both have walked into my life and gone out just as quick. I was confused and hurt. And then I realised it was because I let them get close to me, I shared personal things with them. Yet after all of that I still had the heart to believe that maybe one person someday would be different. 
But when you finally get to understand and realize whats actually going on, you realize that everyone does in fact leave. 

So im sorry I'm bracing myself for the impact of the pain thats going to be caused when you leave. I