"You're
gonna feel my pain, someday; when you're sitting in your god
forsaken room,
still trying to ignore me, it'll finally hit you. And,
my god, when it does, I'll never feel
more f v c k i n g satisfied." I read the
crumpled paper 3 times through with shaking
hands. I swear I could feel his hot breath- hear the
piercing words- right beside me.
And I remember seeing
his absolutely crushed face when I ended the best two
years
of my life. The note said it all: the face of
an angel falling played behind my eyelids
as Fall Out Boy said to
me, "My heart is on my sleeve-- wear it like a bruise or
black
eye." A lump formed in my
throat as tears like lava lined eyes replaying regrets.
I blamed him,
too. Saying, "You hold me
down." Saying, "Maybe you should've
changed." Saying, "You made me stop loving you. I
couldn't help it." Who was
I?
"I'm so
ready to see you fall. Because at one point,
I begged to be your everything.
Like the waves
crash into the shore, like magnets come together,
like gravity pulls
us to the Earth,
I wanted you to be stuck to me. I wanted to be your everything--
your
center. You ruined me, too. You took advantage of that and
tore me down." Every
word written consumed
my entire entity. The four
walls surrounding me were
creeping closer; the open window let in the
sound of the willows weeping with me.
This was my breaking point;
hardening my heart only worked so
much.
He was right: I
pondered where we could've come,
which killed me inside.
"Well, when you beging to think of me again, just
stay away. I don't want to see you."
Words like swords cut me through. I had broken the person
that, deep down, I loved.
I hated myself.
So I laid down, let my radio tune out
my thoughts, and tried my
hardest to let the cold outside sneak in and
freeze my emotions like they once were.
