Being lonely wasn't a good feeling. In fact, it felt
like nothing at all. You see, when you're lonely you're
missing something. Most of the time that something is a person.
When you don't have this something it leaves you empty.
It's like you haven't eaten anything for months but
you're not even hungry. I have this feeling all the time
and no matter how many times I'd been left I still have
this small sliver of hope that haunts me. It was like falling
into a pitch black hole and being okay with it. Not because
everything would finally be over, because that small sliver of
hope made me feel like at the end I'll find that something
that would make the pitch black hole full of
color.
Occasionally I'd find myself laughing and smiling
and I'd get this foolish thought. "Maybe I'm
not lonely anymore." but then after the laughter
ended and there were no more smiles it'd come creeping back
and lay there waiting. Waiting for me to self destruct and
leave myself emptier than I was before. I couldn't though,
I was always searching for that something that would creep
inside me and fill every hole with out me knowing. Then one day
I'd laugh and I'd smile and there wouldn't be that
lonely after feeling and I'd feel
whole.
whole
/hōl/
adjective
1.in an unbroken or undamaged state; in one piece.
noun
1.a
thing that is complete in
itself.
