Conscience School Application Form
Hello and
welcome to Conscience School! Conscience School is a place
that transforms naughty children into polite, well-behaved little
angels! And best of all, it's completely
FREE!
Warning:
Sending your child to Conscience School may result in
temporary insanity. After attending Conscience School, your
child may feel compelled to constantly badger you to correct your
behavior. If these side effects do occur, consult your
local psychiatrist. Hopefully these symptoms will disappear
after a few years of counseling.
Just
contact us and send in an application form, like the one you are
reading right now. We'll automatically accept your
child!
At
Conscience School, children will be placed in an environment as
close to their daily lives as possible. Each child will
have a Conscience School Mentor assigned to them. Their
Mentor will follow the child around. Whenever the child is
being naughty (e.g. slapping others' faces with a paper
tube), the Mentor will immediately take action to correct the
habit. Once the child is completely de-naughtified, the
Mentor will send the child home.
If
you wish to send your child to Conscience School, please fill out
the form below. Your child may fill out the
form.
Name: The Infinite Jar
ftfirst
middle
last
Gender:
M/F
Unknown.
Subject is a vegetable.
How
did you hear about Conscience School?
Subject
is friends with the founder of Conscience School.
What
do you want to achieve at Conscience School?
Subject
wishes to achieve four things.
Subject wishes to
1. Permanently expel subject's own buttheadedness.
2. Learn proper etiquette and "table
manners."
3.
Stop saying "subject" all the time.
4. Learn how to use pronouns.
Describe
your life.
Subject goes to a public school. Subject's grade has
380 people and is filled with many assorted buttheads.
Subject constantly wants to smash buttheads' faces
against the wall. Alas, subject is unable to do that, as
that would result in prolonged suspension or permanent ejection
from subject's school. Subject tends to suffer from a
lack of sleep, and will sometimes doze off in class.
Subject will wake up and become highly disoriented.
Subject's home life is rather boring. Every
morning, subject refuses to get our of bed. Subject almost
always almost misses the morning bus to school. When
subject gets home, subject engages in various sedentary activies.
Then subject goes to sleep and then wakes up the next
morning and then the cycle repeats again.
Thank
you for joining Conscience School! School will begin
immediately. WAIT WHAT SUBJECT
WAS NOT INFORMED OF THIS SUBJECT DOES NOT WANT TO GO
WHYYYYYYY
