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How are you suicidal if you don't cut? 

Well, a while back my parents started to realise i starved myself, it was horrible. 
They had a go at me, they would call me crazy and they told almost everyone.
It was extremely embarassing, i fealt exposed. 
It was just horrible
it soon made me realize i couldn't hide anything from them apart from the tears late at night when i knew they were asleep.
When i bit my lip so hard it blead so they wouldn't hear my screams, calling out for help.
But i was in this alone.
The only reason i don't cut is because it would only make things worse.
First of all, my parents said they would put me in a mental hospital.
and second of all, as i said it would make everything worse, the way i would have to hide myself alot more than usual.
And also because i hated my body as it was, i don't think i need more things to be self concious about. i'm sorry.

There are days when i'm home alone when i will literally go and stand infront of the medicine cabinet and get out some pills. 
I will stare at the container for ages and tempt myself. 
I just think over and over again, why am i here? why aren't i dead yet?
I suppose it's because i'm crazy, because i talk to myself, i try and talk myself out of it because no one is there to talk me out of it.
I suppose it's helped though.

There are days when i will want to write a letter, saying goodbye; my last tweet; my last quote.
But i don't because i lie to myself; i tell myself everything is going to get better; that i'm going to have a good life.

I tell myself to fake a smile for the rest of the week, and do it again and again and again. 
It doesn't get old because i hope that one day i will be ok, and the smiles won't be fake anymore, i want them to be real.


I'm sorry if this quote didn't make any sense whatsoever, i just needed to get it out; i'm sorry it's a bit of a mess; i'm sorry i'm a bit of a mess.
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How are you suicidal if you don't cut? Well, a while back

7 faves · 15 comments · Apr 4, 2013 10:50am

gray22

by

gray22


tags

dont · ugh · know · story

FrankConnor · 1 decade ago
You're smart.

Probably smarter then I am.

I didn't cut either. I simply went straight to burning myself, so badly I could simply pull off the dead skin.

I liked the pain.

Yet now I'm scarred. entire patches of pale white, scarred skin. And now I'm better, and I regret it all so much.

Yet I've learned from it.

You're never alone, And hurting yourself isn't the way to fix it.

Nor is suicide, or starving yourself, both of which I've done as well.

Get help.
You have friends, you have a family that cares about you, if they didn't care, they wouldn't be so mad.

I went into therapy, I went to 6 different therapists. But I found the right one for me, the man who could fix me, get me back on track.

I even took pills for a short while.

Yet know I'l pill-free, and I've seen the light.

I'll get there.
Life's doing good for me now. I even have a girlfriend, a beautiful girl, who accepts me exactly as I am, and forgives all my mistakes.

Don't give up, and don't see therapy as a sign of weakness. It's admitting you're in too deep, and you need help. and admitting such a thing, is a sign of strength, and bravery. Get help, get better. You fell down, let someone help you back up.

You can do it, I believe in you.
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peacegirl270 · 1 decade ago
please dont hurt yourself. you are waaaay to good for that. you are good for many things. please dont let yourself down. you are good at many things and i hope you read this and realize how good you are. you make a amazing quotes and you have so many people following you. they wouldnt follow you if they thought you were inadequate. please dont hurt yourself. i hope you know that there are a number of people out there to help you. me included. if you ever need to talk please comment on my profile before you do something rash. please please please dont hurt yourself.
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dinosaur_rawr · 1 decade ago
Becky I love you and I want you to know that Ill be there. You text me at anytime of day and I will answer you know I never sleep. You are the best friend I could ever have and I dont want to loose you xxx
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gray22 · 1 decade ago
but i'm a horrible and crappy friend, i don't deserve to have an amazing best friend like you because i just upset you without knowing and i've hurt you and i can't live with that :'(
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dinosaur_rawr · 1 decade ago
No you didn't. I hurt myself. I knew you were joking I should of just taken it as jokes. If anyone I'm the one who's been the crap friend and I'm sorry
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gray22 · 1 decade ago
no alice you're not i love you, we're going to be best friends forever ok?? <3<3
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josie* · 1 decade ago
aw, god I totally get this. I've been suicidal for years, and had depression for as long as I can remember.
I self harm too+have eating disorders, doctor said I might be bipolar and I will take the test next time I see her. Its kind of scary how different people can have similar problems. I know its tough, I know you feel like giving up. Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest. This is the beginning of your life, the rest is what you make of it. Comment to me anytime+im always here for a chat if you need me<3
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MissHatty · 1 decade ago
I understand this completely, like, i've seen how self harm effects people around you. I know how much it would hurt my family if they were to find out i self harmed, which is why i never could, but that doesn't mean i'm not depressed or that sometimes i wish i didn't exist because i do and i am. Stay strong sweetie :)) You'll be thinking that things will never get better and that you're gonna feel this way forever, but trust me, you're not. You've just got to remember the good days, how happy did you feel then? Those days out you had with family/friends, don't say you've never had them because we have all had these brilliant days where you feel on top of the world. Well just think about these days, they are just around the corner. Nothing is permanent, so enjoy the good days, and when its bad, remember that it won't last forever. You're surrounded by people who care on here, and if you even want to talk, even if its just because you're bored/feeling lonley/sad/happy/scared anything even if its just as a friend, I am here to talk to you anytime, and i'm sure there are loads of people on witty that will listen to you :)))
If you ever need to talk, my twitter is @emilybulliesme and i'm on that nearly 24/7. my kik is Harriet_Kate and I'm on that a lot, my tumblr is www.crocsaremypassion.tumblr.com you can talk to me on any of these and I promise I will listen :)) sometimes ranting/venting to someone is the best soloution :)) xo
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gray22 · 1 decade ago
Thank you Hatty <3<3
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lost* · 1 decade ago
Hang in there Love, I know its probably tough for you right now. But you've gotten yourself this far haven't you? You can do it, I know you can. Stay Strong.<3 x
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bringinglove · 1 decade ago
me to :)
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gray22 · 1 decade ago
i hate how you feel that way :c we can get through this together <3
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bringinglove · 1 decade ago
yep <3 we'll help each other out
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gray22 · 1 decade ago
good <3<3
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bringinglove · 1 decade ago
sometimes life just hurts
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