in
his arms
Chapter 62
For a while I felt better. I felt stronger with
more energy. I slept less and ate more, and I could feel myself
gaining weight back. I could feel my body healing itself.
It was short-lived, though. After about four weeks, we’d
all realized that was only because the weight of chemo was no
longer on my body.
Anthony never left my side for the following weeks. He slept in
the space beside me in my bed, he kept my head on his chest when
we sat on the couch and our fingers intertwined when we ate
meals. He was already awake when I first opened my eyes, and as I
drifted off to sleep, he kept his eyes on me.
He needed to watch me. He never knew if any breath I took would
be my last.
Aidan and Morgan spent a lot of extra time around me as well.
They were always asking if I was alright, if I needed anything,
how I was feeling. They were around me constantly, giving Anthony
and I very little time alone together.
So when they took a daytrip out to some stores, we took advantage
of it.
We laid on the couch together, him just holding me. He played
with my fingers in his, enjoying the simple sound of the breath
entering and leaving my body.
I felt awful for Anthony. I wasn’t a wife anymore. I
wasn’t a best friend or a lover. I was a child now. I
needed the constant care, I needed the constant support and I was
unable to give anything to him in return, though he probably
needed it more than I did.
“How are you really?” he murmured to me casually.
I had grown so used to saying, “I’m fine,” or,
“I’m okay,” that I almost said those words
again. But as I took a breath, I realized I could say whatever I
wanted. Anthony was my husband. This was the man I trusted more
that I’d ever trusted anyone.
So I was honest. “I’m angry.”
“About what?”
“I’m sixteen. I should be thinking about when
I’ll be getting my license, maybe even college. Now
I’m thinking about my death. It’s unfair.”
“I’m angry too.”
“Sometimes I just lay awake thinking about how f.cking
angry I am. About how unfair this is. But I can’t show it,
that’s not fair to everybody else.”
“Don’t hide anything, Kail. I mean, we’re here
to support you.”
“That’d be selfish of me to do. I wouldn’t do
that.”
He didn’t respond, so the room returned to silence.
I’d said what I wanted to say, I hadn’t anything else
to get off my chest. Not at that moment, at least.
Morgan and Aidan returned home eventually to sit in the den with
us. Anthony’s words repeated in my head. We’re
here to support you. Don’t hide anything.
So I turned to Morgan. “I kind of wish Dad was
here.”
“Why?”
I noticed my mother in the kitchen. “I don’t know. I
guess it’d be nice.”
“He doesn’t deserve to be here,” she
grumbled.
There was about ten seconds of silence before I heard my mother
squeak, “Kaitlyn?”
My head rolled to look at her, slightly surprised. She
hadn’t initiated conversation with me since I was in middle
school. She had stains of tear tracks down her cheeks.
“Yeah, Mom?”
“I’m sorry, Kaitlyn,” she breathed through
sobs. “I love you and I’m
sorry.”
I
hate this chapter. And I hate that my quotes keep getting
removed. Like, ugh.
*I don't notify, please
don't ask.*
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WhoThatGirl · 1 decade ago
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I THOUGHT YOU HAD FALLEN OFF THE EARTH. Then I realized you ween't showing up on my feed. I love this story. Amazing, as usual.
~#1 Fan!