You don't
have to read this, keep scrolling, I just need to get it
out.
I'm so fxcked up.
Everything's so shxt rn. I get so so depressed. I'm self
harming again. The voices tell me to do it. They tell me to hang
myself, overdose, hurt myself, jump off a bridge. The tell me
I'm worthless. I kind of believe them now, they're the
only thing that talks to me. The only one who does. They're
mine. They're a comfort. I should believe them. I'm not
trying to be all self-pitying by writing this but I need to get
all the demons inside my fxcked up head, out. I don't want to
die. But I act on impulse, I do things without
thinking. I'm
scared I'll cut too deep. I don't even feel it anymore.
I'm used to it. I go from high as a fxcking kite, to
suicidal. I'm not actively suicidal but I'll just snap in
a matter of seconds and I'll be ready to die. Literally. When
I'm happy, I'm too happy. It's crazy. I'm like a
psycho. I don't want to die though. But I'm scared of
what I might do, without thinking. If the voices tell me to.
They're right. Though, saying all that, if a car was coming
towards me, I'm not so sure I'd stop. That way, it
wouldn't be suicide. It wouldn't be me. I want to
experience it. Death. But I don't want to die. I don't
have to. But in a way, I do. See? I make no sense. I'm sick.
I need help. I want help, but I don't. I can't get it
anyway. They said no. I'm sort of happy, the self harm, the
blood, the voices, the hallucinations, they're all a comfort
to me in a twisted way. I can't even explain myself, I
don't understand what's going on in my fxcked up head. I
get so frustrated at it. I cry and cry. Then of course, I self
harm. It's a never ending cycle. I don't even understand
myself. Fxck.
0
reply
roseth0rn · 1 decade ago
0
reply
THIS!
It explains my depression too.
it's scary to hear those voices.
you just sit there and they talk to you.
you feel no emotion.