You don't have to read this, keep scrolling, I just need to get it out.
I'm so fxcked up. Everything's so shxt rn. I get so so depressed. I'm self harming again. The voices tell me to do it. They tell me to hang myself, overdose, hurt myself, jump off a bridge. The tell me I'm worthless. I kind of believe them now, they're the only thing that talks to me. The only one who does. They're mine. They're a comfort. I should believe them. I'm not trying to be all self-pitying by writing this but I need to get all the demons inside my fxcked up head, out. I don't want to die. But I act on impulse, I do things without thinking. I'm scared I'll cut too deep. I don't even feel it anymore. I'm used to it. I go from high as a fxcking kite, to suicidal. I'm not actively suicidal but I'll just snap in a matter of seconds and I'll be ready to die. Literally. When I'm happy, I'm too happy. It's crazy. I'm like a psycho. I don't want to die though. But I'm scared of what I might do, without thinking. If the voices tell me to. They're right. Though, saying all that, if a car was coming towards me, I'm not so sure I'd stop. That way, it wouldn't be suicide. It wouldn't be me. I want to experience it. Death. But I don't want to die. I don't have to. But in a way, I do. See? I make no sense. I'm sick. I need help. I want help, but I don't. I can't get it anyway. They said no. I'm sort of happy, the self harm, the blood, the voices, the hallucinations, they're all a comfort to me in a twisted way. I can't even explain myself, I don't understand what's going on in my fxcked up head. I get so frustrated at it. I cry and cry. Then of course, I self harm. It's a never ending cycle. I don't even understand myself. Fxck.
24601*
skyewonderland
Sole
zer0*
silverfxckkk