it was difficult to accept that you couldn't love me in the ways that i wanted you to. i had expectations so in the end i got disappointed. i had seen how you could love others and so it hurt more deeply. i drew you angel wings and tried blurring the bad memories. i know you tried your best. i know you didn't know better. i know you think you were fair. and because i knew all that, i felt even more guilty for needing more from you.
and it's been strange. learning about how all these little things i hated or enjoyed had a deeper meaning. the battles my subconsious was dealing with while i just flinched unknowingly. ignorance wasn't bliss. it left me confused and unsure of why i thought the way i thought and why i felt the way i felt. these back stories, this knot i'm unravelling. it's interesting. it's been really difficult, but i understand myself better. i guess you never really stop learning about yourself.