Pushing people – kind, caring, nontoxic
people who are concerned for and contribute to your happiness and well-being – away simply to ascertain they “care enough” to come running after your needy a.ss and pledge their undying love only for you to be able to rinse and repeat next time things aren't going your way is unfair and laughably childish.
Sulking, avoiding clear honest communication and being a generally passive aggressive a.sshole just for the sake of receiving attention to confirm the existence, and assess the quality, of love in a personal relationship of any kind with someone else is not how you go about fixing hurt feelings. It can be, however, how you cause unneeded tension, confusion, and deeper hurt.
You cannot dismiss people's efforts as absent or inadequate when they aren't being shown in the exact way that you want to see them. You cannot impose ridiculous ideals and expectations upon people and throw fits when these fantasies are proven separate from reality. You cannot make drama a recurring theme in your relationships and cry foul when it becomes too much for other people and they decide to finally put their own feelings first. You cannot treat people badly just to see if they'll treat you well and proceed to get upset when they respond negatively to your negativity.
Constantly chasing someone who is never satisfied with and appreciative of what you can give them and always having to validate their worth – that they refuse to recognize and accept themselves – gets exhausting.
Blaming people and marking them unworthy for being unable or unwilling to drop everything to cater to unpredictable, irrational mood swings will not earn you any new friendships or help to maintain current ones.
If you're craving consolation and the knowledge that somebody cares, talk to them. Be around them. Accept any supportive gestures they offer, no matter how small or ordinary you think they are. Help people to help you.
Closing yourself off and adopting a victim mentality that you parade in front of others in order to receive sympathy isn't going to make anybody, least of all yourself, feel better. Do not play mind games and leave people alone in the dark to figure out what your problem is and get angry when they can't assume the role of mind reader because “if they truly cared they'd just know”. Do not give out apathy and demand enthusiasm in return.
Because if you do these things, you are probably the bad friend you're so intent on sniffing out. And you're going to be sorry when everyone is gone because you made them fight an uphill battle to prove their sincerity when they were there.
RVM
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