Pushing people – kind,
caring,
nontoxic
people who are concerned for and contribute to
your happiness and well-being – away simply to ascertain
they “care enough” to come running after your needy
a.ss and pledge their undying love only for you
to be able to rinse and repeat next time things aren't going
your way is unfair and laughably childish.
Sulking, avoiding clear honest communication and being a
generally passive aggressive a.sshole just for the sake of receiving
attention to confirm the existence, and assess the quality, of
love in a personal relationship of any kind with someone else is
not how you go about fixing hurt feelings. It can be, however,
how you cause unneeded tension, confusion, and deeper hurt.
You cannot dismiss people's efforts as absent or inadequate
when they aren't being shown in the exact way that you want
to see them. You cannot impose ridiculous ideals and expectations
upon people and throw fits when these fantasies are proven
separate from reality. You cannot make drama a recurring theme in
your relationships and cry foul when it becomes too much for
other people and they decide to finally put their own feelings
first. You cannot treat people badly just to see if they'll
treat you well and proceed to get upset when they respond
negatively to your negativity.
Constantly chasing someone who is never satisfied with and
appreciative of what you can give them and always having to
validate their worth – that they refuse to recognize and
accept themselves – gets exhausting.
Blaming people and marking them unworthy for being unable or
unwilling to drop everything to cater to unpredictable,
irrational mood swings will not earn you any new friendships or
help to maintain current ones.
If you're craving consolation and the knowledge that somebody
cares, talk to them. Be around them. Accept any supportive
gestures they offer, no matter how small or ordinary you think
they are. Help people to help you.
Closing yourself off and adopting a victim mentality that you
parade in front of others in order to receive sympathy isn't
going to make anybody, least of all yourself, feel better. Do not
play mind games and leave people alone in the dark to figure out
what your problem is and get angry when they can't assume the
role of mind reader because “if they truly cared they'd
just know”. Do not give out apathy and demand enthusiasm in
return.
Because if you do these things, you are probably the bad friend
you're so intent on sniffing out. And you're going to be
sorry when everyone is gone because you made them fight an uphill
battle to prove their sincerity when they were
there.
