Dear You,
Every.Damn.Day. I am always ending up missing you. I wish I would just woke up one day and will never think of you anymore. But you were the love of my life, we talked about our lives and sadness and happiness and we've see every inch of our soul. I wish I have told you how bad you hurt me. I wish I have told how you killed me. I loved you so much, and I still love you so much. It hurts. I always thought you were the one, but maybe you were just the one to teach me to never except less than what I deserve. I am still upset and hurt and I still love you, as I promised, I would forever. Sometimes, I wonder if you ever even think of me…do you laugh at all our good memories, or am I just a mistake you want to forget about? I have so many questions and I know I would never get the answers.
My heart is so broken I don’t know what to do. This is killing me, I feel like I’m drowning a little more each day. What do I do? Because I still love you, and you’re the only one who can save me. I can’t do this on my own, I want you back in my life. I can’t move on because the only thing I can find wrong with you is that you can find so much wrong with me.
Do you think about me/us/everything we were? Because I do. Do you dream about me everytime you fall asleep? Because I dream about you and us all the time. Is there a part of you that wants this to work out, to fix itself and go back to when we were so in love? I feel so strongly about all of these things.
I want you to know that I still love you and always will. I thought I could get over you and that my broken heart would heal quickly. I was wrong. I was only strong if you were not around. One look at you and my heart melts within me. All the buried feelings begin to rise within me and all I want to do is melt within your arms. I now confess that I never stopped loving you. I guess I never will.
Now? I am feeling lost and confused. Within my heart I want you so badly. All I think about is you and being able to hold you, love you, touch you, and be with you. I am consumed by my desire for you and I feel lost without you. I know that I cannot force you to be with me or to want to be with me. It must be your decision. I would not want you any other way. I want you to want me, to be with me because you want to be with me, to love me because it makes you happy to love me, to come to me because you wanted to be close to me.
I have so much to say, but it’s hard to ever really talk to you anymore. Maybe I was just a stepping stone for you to get to that point in your life where you’d figured out what you really wanted, or didn't want.
I thought that missing you would get easier everyday now that you are not mine. It has not. In fact, everyday that I see you, talk to you, laugh out with you again, it has gotten more difficult being without you. My whole being aches for you and I cannot force myself to stop loving you. In fact, I don’t want to stop loving you.
Alas, it might very well be my fate to go on living without you. I will not beg you to come back. If love cannot lead you back to me then I guess we will stay apart, but I truly hope that you will love me as much as I love you and want me with the same burning feelings that I want you.
So to prove to you I loved you and all I wanted was for you to be happy, I will let you walk away. And it was so hard. I wake up in the middle of the night missing you by my side. You were my best friend, my lover, my family and my life, and I don’t know if you know how it feels to lose something more valuable than you thought would be. It's not that easy.
I have recurring dreams of our first date leading up to the night where we said we loved each other. I honestly can’t escape all of it. It’s so hard but I still love you. You have my heart, and it’s beyond my control. I want to wake up so bad with you lying next to me. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to handle you being with anyone else.
I want you to come and save me so bad, come back and be in my life again. Get over everything and start over together. I always wonder if you feel/felt the same way I do. Does your heart beat about a million times faster than normal when you see me? because mine does.
Let me know that I had an impact on your life. Promise me that you will always remember me. Losing you was hard enough, but I don’t want to live knowing that I meant absolutely nothing to you.
God this is so hard.
I guess all I really want to say is that I’m dying here inside, that I miss you more each day, there’s not a night I haven’t cried, and bibi here’s the truth — I’m still so in love with you. That’s what I really meant to say.
I love you
Love,
Your Ex - Anaiah
gooddeeds
Y0UNGL0V3MURD3R
wanderer*
Anaiah
The Quiet*
absent *