the exposure project
by me.
I don't care if you don't take the time to read. This is an experimental thing, an excuse to vent what has been on my mind lately. Judge all you want, the real me comes out right now.
I view myself as two people. One of me is the naive, innocent child I was two years ago. The other me is rough, judgemental, and broken. I'm divided between the two although deep down I know I have forever evolved into the second me.
Sometimes I feel absolutely ugly. My face is too edgy and square, my hair is too dead and ugly at the ends. My nose is too big. Other times, I think I am pretty. Not beautiful, but not hideous either. My eyes are big and brown. My hair is long and wavy. I have a slim body.
Lately I have been discovering alot about myself. A long time ago, something very bad happened to me and my brain decided to completely block it out until now. I'm still not comfortable talking about it, I haven't even told my parents. I'm barely just admitting it to myself.
I have too many irrational, stupid fears. Needles, blood, dogs, escalators. Plenty of rational ones that haunt my mind when I really don't want them too.
I've always felt a connection with writing. Ever since I could think I have always been concocting stories and ideas. My teachers have always applauded my work, yet I still have not done anything to pursuit in my dream.
Reading has always been my refuge. Nothing is more appealing after a terrible day or week or month than a book. Escaping into another reality is my best achievement.
I listen to interesting music. Classical is my favorite because of the delicate, soft-spoken tales they tell. Heavy metal is a close second because of the relief it brings me and the similarity the lyrics are to my own life and issues.
I am an amazing liar. Everyone who knows me doesn't know this. Obviously.
I only lie for good reasons, because no matter how much I hate a person I simply don't have the heart to break theirs. It's not who I am.
I'm actually a very nice person, but I have serious trust issues and anxiety problems.
I'm different. I know that. I'm not ashamed of it. I'm just scared nobody loves me because of it.
That's just me.
Whether or not you accept it is not my problem.