To him,
I would like to start with how much I don’t trust you. You tell me you like me…then you tell me you like her. Then she tells you that she’s going to camp so you come to me and tell me you don’t like her. It’s so confusing, because I can’t tell if you were trying to tell me you like me or not, but if you were trying to tell me you like me than I can’t help wonder if you’re lying. I can’t help wonder if you tell me that so you’ll just have someone to hook up with this summer. I hate to think about it, but I just can’t help myself from wondering that if she wasn’t going to camp, and you would be able to see her over the summer if you would still say you like her. Trusting you is like falling off a spaceship miles away from earth, and trusting that you’ll be standing back at Earth ready to catch me if you say you will. It’s almost impossible, and every single thing in my mind is telling me it’s not a good idea, but I guess I’m not really listening to myself. I am listening to my heart, which is telling me to trust you. I want to trust you, but how can I? I want to just be able to believe you and completely trust you but it’s so difficult. Trust isn’t something that is immediately given out to people, it is earned and proved. So far, trusting you could possibly be the stupidest thing I have ever done, and yet I am going to do it. I am going to do it because you’re letting me trust you, and if you’re trust isn’t real; in the end it’s going to hurt you more than me. It could leave me heartbroken for a while, but it would mark you a liar forever.
I would like to apologize for almost making a bad decision with your best friend, and I am not going to tell you the reasons why I was going to do it because if I say I’m sorry I want you to trust me that it’s sincere. You say though that I am flirty with every guy, especially this one who’s my good friend. I would like to argue that, but maybe I do flirt sometimes. It isn’t purposely, and what you don’t know is that most of the time I am talking to other guys and even a lot of girls it’s about you. You may see me talking to another guy as flirting and stupid, but I do it because I can’t talk to you about you. You just don’t get it. You aren’t a girl, you aren’t me. Me, an annoying, stupid, conflicted person who falls hard even at a young age, but I only fell hard for one person. One person that has made me feel so many emotions, I just didn’t know how to handle it. You’re that person, and I can’t be one hundred percent sure about what you think, but to me you will never feel emotions like that towards me. Sometimes I can’t deal with you, sometimes you make me want to cry and sometimes I want to stab you. A lot of the time however, I just want to spend endless hours with you, just be close with you, but I know that you don’t feel that way. That’s why when you tell me I don’t love you that you’re wrong, but how am I supposed to argue with you? How are you supposed to know that you’re all I ever think about? You can’t know that because you’re not me and I don’t think you trust me enough to believe that. You don’t feel the twenty knives stabbing me when you tell me you like someone else, or the hundreds of butterflies floating around in my stomach when you say you like me. You will never know how I only look at you, but you never look at me the way I look at you. I want to believe that I deserve someone who likes me as much as I like them, but I can’t do that because even if you don’t like me a bit I will always feel worthless and never good enough for you, even if I am good enough.
I have to get over you because my like for you is being wasted, but I don’t want to get over you. I don’t even think it’s possible, but even if it possible to get over you, I don’t want. I will never want to. I may have made a lot of mistakes in my life, and it is inevitable that I will make more in life, but I have no regrets and I will never have any regrets. If I had regrets than I wouldn’t be able to move on with life, and I wouldn’t be able to be where I have been, where I am and where I’m going. Maybe later in life you’ll realize that maybe I could’ve been good enough for you, but you can’t regret it. You may be making a mistake by not liking me, but you’re still going to go places, and going to meet someone. I wish I could be that someone, but I can’t. So for now I am just going to focus on my friends and not changing for anyone, because trying to force you to like me is useless and disappointing. I didn’t write this letter to make you feel bad, I wrote it to make sure that you know how I feel, and so that I can feel better when you say you don’t like me.
Sincerely,
Her
shespeaksfromherheart