To
him,
I would like to start with how much I don’t trust you. You
tell me you like me…then you tell me you like her. Then she
tells you that she’s going to camp so you come to me and tell
me you don’t like her. It’s so confusing, because I
can’t tell if you were trying to tell me you like me or not,
but if you were trying to tell me you like me than I can’t
help wonder if you’re lying. I can’t help wonder if you
tell me that so you’ll just have someone to hook up with this
summer. I hate to think about it, but I just can’t help
myself from wondering that if she wasn’t going to camp, and
you would be able to see her over the summer if you would still say
you like her. Trusting you is like falling off a spaceship miles
away from earth, and trusting that you’ll be standing back at
Earth ready to catch me if you say you will. It’s almost
impossible, and every single thing in my mind is telling me
it’s not a good idea, but I guess I’m not really
listening to myself. I am listening to my heart, which is telling
me to trust you. I want to trust you, but how can I? I want to just
be able to believe you and completely trust you but it’s so
difficult. Trust isn’t something that is immediately given
out to people, it is earned and proved. So far, trusting you could
possibly be the stupidest thing I have ever done, and yet I am
going to do it. I am going to do it because you’re letting me
trust you, and if you’re trust isn’t real; in the end
it’s going to hurt you more than me. It could leave me
heartbroken for a while, but it would mark you a liar
forever.
I would like to apologize for almost making a bad decision with
your best friend, and I am not going to tell you the reasons why I
was going to do it because if I say I’m sorry I want you to
trust me that it’s sincere. You say though that I am flirty
with every guy, especially this one who’s my good friend. I
would like to argue that, but maybe I do flirt sometimes. It
isn’t purposely, and what you don’t know is that most
of the time I am talking to other guys and even a lot of girls
it’s about you. You may see me talking to another guy as
flirting and stupid, but I do it because I can’t talk to you
about you. You just don’t get it. You aren’t a girl,
you aren’t me. Me, an annoying, stupid, conflicted person who
falls hard even at a young age, but I only fell hard for one
person. One person that has made me feel so many emotions, I just
didn’t know how to handle it. You’re that person, and I
can’t be one hundred percent sure about what you think, but
to me you will never feel emotions like that towards me. Sometimes
I can’t deal with you, sometimes you make me want to cry and
sometimes I want to stab you. A lot of the time however, I just
want to spend endless hours with you, just be close with you, but I
know that you don’t feel that way. That’s why when you
tell me I don’t love you that you’re wrong, but how am
I supposed to argue with you? How are you supposed to know that
you’re all I ever think about? You can’t know that
because you’re not me and I don’t think you trust me
enough to believe that. You don’t feel the twenty knives
stabbing me when you tell me you like someone else, or the hundreds
of butterflies floating around in my stomach when you say you like
me. You will never know how I only look at you, but you never look
at me the way I look at you. I want to believe that I deserve
someone who likes me as much as I like them, but I can’t do
that because even if you don’t like me a bit I will always
feel worthless and never good enough for you, even if I am good
enough.
I have to get over you because my like for you is being wasted, but
I don’t want to get over you. I don’t even think
it’s possible, but even if it possible to get over you, I
don’t want. I will never want to. I may have made a lot of
mistakes in my life, and it is inevitable that I will make more in
life, but I have no regrets and I will never have any regrets. If I
had regrets than I wouldn’t be able to move on with life, and
I wouldn’t be able to be where I have been, where I am and
where I’m going. Maybe later in life you’ll realize
that maybe I could’ve been good enough for you, but you
can’t regret it. You may be making a mistake by not liking
me, but you’re still going to go places, and going to meet
someone. I wish I could be that someone, but I can’t. So for
now I am just going to focus on my friends and not changing for
anyone, because trying to force you to like me is useless and
disappointing. I didn’t write this letter to make you feel
bad, I wrote it to make sure that you know how I feel, and so that
I can feel better when you say you don’t like me.
Sincerely,
Her
To him, I would like to start with how much I don’t trust
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Jun 21, 2012 10:55pm