I still love you.
Introduction
'Dear Connor,' I wrote in my notebook.
'The days without you seem so long.
Today would've been our one year anniversery.
You've probably forgotten by now though, it's already been 3 months, but I havn't.
I don't think i'll ever be able to forget.
I remember your icy blue eyes, staring into mine.
The day you asked me to be yours.
You were so nervous, I could tell.
But that was the happiest day of my life, and at the time, it was yours too.
Look at how much has changed since then.
You can barely look at me anymore.
My name rolls off your tounge like it's some kind of bad word.
Do you know how much that hurts Connor?
To be hated by the one you care about the most?
I didn't think so.
You were the first one to call me beautiful, Connor.
Did you know that?
Probably not.
You tell all of your friends i'm ugly now.
All of those secrets I told you?
All of your friends know now.
I'm not going to break my promises though, like you did Connor.
As much as you hurt me, I still don't think I could ever hurt you.
I saw a few pictures of you yesterday, Connor.
You looked so happy.
I wish I could be happy again.
Remember at the 4th of July, when you held me in your arms and said you'd never let go?
We were both happy then.
I would do anything to feel that happy again.
To feel you next to me.
But you love her now Connor, and she doesn't deserve you.
Don't you understand?
She'll never be able to love you like I did.
Never.
In fact, I write love on my arms every night, Connor.
With my razor.
You think it'd hurt, but it's nothing compared to the pain of losing you.
I don't think anything will ever hurt that much.
Nothing seems to take the pain away, and it's becoming too much to handle.
I thought you'd be back by now Connor, but you're not.
I thought you'd miss me, but you don't.
I thought you'd realize you love me, but you havn't.
You probably never will.
Everyday, I feel like i'm just wasting presious oxegen.
I was living for you, and now that your gone, i'm lost.
I don't know what to do, and the depression has gotten so bad.
Too bad.
How long until your hatred pushes me too far?
Until the words you don't think hurt, start to kill?
You probably wouldn't care if you never got to see me again, Connor.
You don't miss me while i'm here, and you obviously won't miss me while you're gone.
So why am I still here?
A small part of me still has hope that you're going to change your mind.
That you're going to wakeup someday, and realize that I really did love you, and you still love me too.
Time is running out though, Connor.
It won't be long until I realize that the monsters I once thought lived under my bed, live inside of me.
Please hurry up Connor, you're the only one left who can save me.
Please, Connor.
Please.'
If only he could read these letters I write to him, I thought to myself.
Just as I was about to close my notebook, I wrote one last note down at the bottom.
'P.s. Connor,' I wrote.
'I still love you.'
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