So today, I finally got around to putting up pictures of Audri. She'll be two months old tomorrow.
Hannah and David are awesome. I love them both so much.
Ugh. I guess I should give you more of an update on me.
Hannah and Audri are perfect and healthy.
David was discharged from the army due to an injury; he was shot in the leg. He doesn't like to talk about it much. Actually, he's really traumatized. He doesn't talk much at all anymore. Only to me, Hannah, and Audri.
Dad and I have become close, like, really close, despite his autism. I don't know why I was sheltered from him my whole life. He's become one of my best friends.
Austin? Hm. Austin got a girlfriend, they've been dating for eight months now? Around eight months. Her name's Amanda. To be honest, I hated her at first because I thought he could do better. I really like her now though. He's happy, so that's all that matters.
My mom and stepdad are in rehab for drug abuse. Can't say I didn't see that one coming. David and Hannah got a legal thing done where she isn't allowed to see the baby, so she hasn't seen Audri, and she won't be able to until she's 13.
I wouldn't say I've gotten over Zach's death, but the thought of him has become easier for me. Now, when I think of him, it's pleasant, not painful. He's not suffering anymore. And I have to move on.
And me? Not much about me. I got a cat named Abernanthy to keep me company when I'm sad. He's yellow and he he's so freaking lazy but he kind of fills a gap. I love him. I actually have a boyfriend now. His name's Shawn. He's super sweet and really shy. And he really likes me.
Oh, another thing about Austin. On the inside of his bicep, he got my son's initials tattooed in black. In honor of him. (He's 16, so it's legal where I live.)
I'll really try to keep you guys updated on Audri and Shawn and Austin with pictures and everything. It's just hard. I've been super busy with recently becoming super depressed and super anorexic. I've lost 18 pounds in six weeks. I can tell Austin's worried, but I don't care.
To be honest, I'm still contemplating suicide. I know I should get help, but I don't want it. And now, I don't want to die to be with Zach or my son, but I just want to die. I don't want to be here. Nothing's right. Mom hates me, Austin's wrapped up in Amanda, David doesn't speak, and I'm forced to watch my brother live life with a baby when I know that if Austin were still alive, that would be me. I would be the one with the baby. I know I would be an amazing mom. But I guess he belonged to God. So I trust it.
My main picture is of Audri. I think she's gorgeous. I hope you all do too :)
I love you guys.
UnfogettableMe