& they all say "bands save lives",
but you know what? i feel like my favorite band ruined me. i don't know if i'd ever tell this to someone who was a fan of this band i shall not mention. i don't know if it's the social networks i use involving them that cause me to be like this or what, but i am not the same person as i was before -- and that's a bad thing. i want to say i hate them, i always tell myself i hate them, but i don't really hate them -- i hate what they do to me. honestly, sometimes they make me so happy i cry, i cry because they're no longer together, i cry because their existence is fading from this earth. i've always been a fairly sensitive person, but i feel like my sensitivity has only gotten worse when it comes to this band. as in, i get jealous and cry over concerts, i get jealous over people with more merchandise than me, hell, i get jealous of the band members' wives. i hate how much i think about them every day and think about how much they've become a part of me, and i believe it's scary. i get so emotional over them because i love them so much, but it's so unhealthy. i know so many people look up to this band and appreciate them, and they actually make them genuinely happy. in my opinion, however, this band has done nothing for me -- nothing for me besides lead me to become unrealistic, ungrateful, even more unsatisfied with my life and myself than i was before. i always feel horrible knowing that i'm not as financially well off as some other fans, as in i don't feel like a real enough fan since i've been to zero concerts and own very little merchandise, later to leave me feeling like a selfish brat. i always feel awful about myself after daydreaming about being one of the band members' girlfriends -- and feel yet even more horrible knowing there's only one person i know personally who i'd want to be with besides them. when i first started listening, i wasn't ready for this. i miss last summer at this time, when i was only merely a casual fan. i feel trapped, like i'll feel empty if i eliminate them completely. if you read all of this, thank you, but i need help.
Buzz_LightYear
iDiv
*brianna*
nicoleš¹*
gab*
Herown
gooddeeds
zachmiller812
Failure*
tweedle dee*
piercethemichael*