& they all say
"bands save lives",
but you know what? i feel
like my favorite band ruined me. i don't know if
i'd ever tell this to someone who was a fan of this band i
shall not mention. i don't know if it's the social
networks i use involving them that cause me to be like this or
what, but i am not the same person as i was before -- and
that's a bad thing. i want to say i hate them, i always
tell myself i hate them, but i don't really hate
them -- i hate what they do to me. honestly, sometimes they
make me so happy i cry, i cry because they're no longer
together, i cry because their existence is fading from this
earth. i've always been a fairly sensitive person, but i
feel like my sensitivity has only gotten worse when it comes to
this band. as in, i get jealous and cry over concerts, i get
jealous over people with more merchandise than me, hell, i get
jealous of the band members' wives. i hate how much i think
about them every day and think about how much they've
become a part of me, and i believe it's scary. i get so
emotional over them because i love them so much, but it's
so unhealthy. i know so many people look up to this band and
appreciate them, and they actually make them genuinely
happy. in my opinion, however, this band has done nothing
for me -- nothing for me besides lead me to become unrealistic,
ungrateful, even more unsatisfied with my life and myself than
i was before. i always feel horrible knowing that i'm not
as financially well off as some other fans, as in i don't
feel like a real enough fan since i've been to zero
concerts and own very little merchandise, later to leave me
feeling like a selfish brat. i always feel awful about myself
after daydreaming about being one of the band members'
girlfriends -- and feel yet even more horrible knowing
there's only one person i know personally who i'd want
to be with besides them. when i first started listening, i
wasn't ready for this. i miss last summer at this time,
when i was only merely a casual fan. i feel trapped, like
i'll feel empty if i eliminate them completely. if you read
all of this, thank you, but i need help.
