I'm coming to a point in my life where I just don't want anyone else there with me. I don't need it. I used to sit and wonder how on earth I could survive without my best friend, or some boyfriend at the time. And now I am here, perfectly content with the idea of being alone. Because being alone doesn't mean I am lonely. My nights are restless not because I don't have someone to sing me to sleep, it is because my thoughts are racing a million miles a second, and they scream. I do not isolate myself on purpose, nor do I feel left out. I used to be insecure and worried about whether or not my friends liked me, or if I appeared weird or obscene to all of the strangers who pass by me. Now, I just don't care. I don't want to be in a relationship because I know I am too self-absorbed and not patient enough to dedicate my time and energy towards another person who could very well just treat me like sh/t. All I ever wanted at some point was a boyfriend, I met the man I thought I was going to marry. And you know what really scares me sometimes? The fact that I successfully let him go. I check up on him occasionally but we have not spoken a peaceful word in months on top of months and I do not know if there is any more love in my heart for that man. And he was once someone who became my everything, and I would have died for him. Now, I am just repulsed by those kinds of relationships. I am suprised at the type of person i am becoming because I used to cling onto every relationship and friendship of mine with my whole,dear, naive life, and nowthe only person I have tolerance for is myself. I love it because I feel my independence grow more and more every single day. I am afraid that I am heading towards being truly heartless and cold, what I once aspired to be but couldn't achieve because I cared too much. I used to always care too much. And now? I feel very close to nothing at all.
musicure
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