keeponburning's Favorites

yourcool
posted a quote
December 8, 2012 2:26pm UTC

"is google a girl or a boy?"
obviously it's a girl because it won't allow you to complete your sentence without guessing before you finish what you say.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 613 points

MENT_2_B
posted a quote
December 15, 2012 9:16pm UTC

Dad: When you go on a date no clevage or short dresses.
Me: You make it sound like I have a short dress
Mom: ...or clevage
Dad: ...or a date
Me: true.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 647 points

BlackUmbrella
posted a quote
December 30, 2012 12:17pm UTC

person is typing...
person is typing...
person is typing...
person is typing...
person is typing...
person is typing...
person is typing...
person is typing...
person is typing...
person says... hi
PLOT TWIST: That person is confessing their undying love to you; spilling their guts and finally getting the courage to tell you how you feel. Then they think, delete it all and type in that one word.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 942 points

xHello
posted a quote
December 7, 2012 2:21pm UTC

My internet addiction is getting alt of ctrl.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 622 points

EmilyxLovesxU
posted a quote
December 15, 2012 12:22pm UTC

R.I.P
-Victoria Soto. 14/12/2012-
The Stratford High graduate aged 27,
who was killed in the Connecticut Shooting.
She hid her first graders in closets and cabients,
then told the shooter they were in the gym.
He killed her but not one of her children were harmed.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 648 points

easiersaidthandone
posted a quote
December 22, 2012 10:41pm UTC

I plan on building a shopping center that contains:
-Sushi Rox
-The Groovy Smoothie
-The Premier
-Pear
-Build a Bra
Who would shop here?

👍 this is good · read the comments · 695 points

jimboslice3
posted a quote
December 27, 2012 4:04pm UTC

They should invent wifi bracelets,
so you can wear them anywhere
and have wifi connection
CookieDoughFormats

👍 this is good · read the comments · 806 points

posted a quote
January 1, 1970 12:00am UTC

This quote does not exist.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 630 points

yourcool
posted a quote
December 6, 2012 6:55pm UTC

i am really bothered by the fact that
basically the only reason why gay marriage is illegal is because some people think it's disgusting. you know, i think peas are disgusting, but we're not maKING THAT ILLEGAL NOW ARE WE?

👍 this is good · read the comments · 646 points

yourcool
posted a quote
December 21, 2012 6:41pm UTC

if kate middleton doesn't present her baby
to the world from her balcony the same way rafiki presented simba, they're doing it totally wrong.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 672 points

horsegirl99
posted a quote
December 10, 2012 9:05pm UTC

You're the jelly to my burger,
The knife to my soup,
The glitter to my sushi,
And the ketchup to my ice-cream,
My point is, I don't need you and I never will.
nmq/nmf

👍 this is good · read the comments · 665 points

jimmy365
posted a quote
December 29, 2012 12:51pm UTC

me: why is everybody
going to bed, it's only -
OH.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 854 points

.joyriding.*
posted a quote
December 26, 2012 6:54pm UTC

It's sad to think
that we [wittians] could walk straight past each other on the street and never know.
wait a minute, we're wittians, we never go outside.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 790 points

yourcool
posted a quote
December 8, 2012 2:06pm UTC

me most of the year:
want that. and that. oh and that. ooh that's nice, that too.
what do you want for christmas?:
i cannot think of a possible thing that i want.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 646 points

ChocoTaco
posted a quote
December 9, 2012 8:00pm UTC

*20 Years Later*
Future Husband: Hey what are you looking at babe?
Me: Oh, just my old social accounts. You know, facebook, twitter, tumblr, insta-
Future Husband: Can I see?
Me: *Throws laptop out of the window* Oh, look at that. Oops, sorry.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 673 points

wittyquotesgurl
posted a quote
December 11, 2012 8:52pm UTC

Truth or Dare
should just be called
"Who do you like or
do something really embarrassing"

👍 this is good · read the comments · 686 points

MeeAndYoou
posted a quote
December 4, 2012 6:18pm UTC

Then it hit me.
»At this age, I find my bridesmaids. Not my husband.«

👍 this is good · read the comments · 669 points

dragonfly26
posted a quote
December 3, 2012 3:22pm UTC

I overheard this conversation on the bus.
Kid: I barely talked today.
Kid: You know why?
Kid: Because people are stupid.
Kid: I hate people.
This kid needs to be on Witty.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 681 points

GetInMyVanItHasFreeWifi
posted a quote
December 16, 2012 1:23pm UTC

I'm now convinced that girls really
only want one thing from guys...
All of our hoodies.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 732 points

strawberry_skittles
posted a quote
December 15, 2012 8:52pm UTC

A 7 year old boy
came up to me today and said,
"Have you ever watched someone die?"
And I answered with
"Sadly, yes."
He then said,
"Today, I watched my bestfriend get shot...."
not mine but it broke my heart</3

👍 this is good · read the comments · 697 points

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