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deathwish616

posted a quote
January 1, 1970 12:00am UTC

This quote does not exist.

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xXxGymnasticsXxX
posted a quote
August 10, 2012 10:43am UTC

So last night, I was babysitting this little girl.
In the middle of the night, she woke me up-
And said she had a nightmare.
S o I a s k e d h e r w h a t i t w a s a b o u t , e x p e c t i n g s o m e t h i n g l i k e m o n s t e r s .
Instead, she talked about how her grandma was over and was making cookies.
T h e n h e r b r o t h e r a n d g r a n d m a r a n a w a y w i t h t h e c o o k i e s
And she was sad cause she wanted a cookie.
It was adorable.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1025 points

R_UBY
posted a quote
August 5, 2012 3:25am UTC

That .1% of germs
that nothing
can kill.
Format by Sandrasaurus

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points

luv2sing4eva
posted a quote
August 2, 2012 10:59pm UTC

Hey Guys,
I'm following 0 people right now and
im making it my goal to follow as many people as i can in the next hour!
comment or fave and ill follow you! hurry! Theres no time to waste!

👍 this is good · read the comments · 178 points

ahill1
posted a quote
August 3, 2012 8:25am UTC

Awwh,
you guys made me innk.
~Finding Nemo~

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 466 points

djquackquack
posted a quote
August 2, 2012 5:28pm UTC

ME: *goes to a guy i hate* if u were my husband i'd poison your coffee
him: if u were my wife i'd drink it

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 89 points

I_Dont_Know
posted a quote
August 3, 2012 1:09am UTC

WIZARD SWEARS
Cauldron bum
Son of a banshee
Swish and flicker
Voldemort's nipple
Dragon bogies
Expecto patronass
Rabble rousers
Jiggery pokery
Blast-ended sk/nk
Broomhead
Hagrid's butt crack
Leprechaun taint
Unicorn turds
Muggle **** troll ****
Floppy wanded dementor bogeror
Dobby's sock
Goblin's crotch
Merlin's beard
Harry Poops Merlin's buttocks
Potter Pupet Palls

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_to_the_kids_who
posted a quote
July 23, 2012 11:32pm UTC

Here's to the kids who
have ever texted laying down and dropped their phone on their face.
♥

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Travis Allred*
posted a quote
July 26, 2012 7:51pm UTC

John Blunk: Saved his Girlfriend by throwing himself on top of
her using his body as a shield
Alex Teves: Pushed his Girlfriend to the floor and was struck by
a bullet in the process
Matt McQuinn: Dove on top of his Girlfriend as soon as the
shooting began.
Note: They sacrificed their lives to
have their Girlfriend to live. They inspired me so much from the
Colorado Shooting. They are definitely the Heroes of Colorado Shooting
They gave me a lots of Hope.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1510 points

lovelylife
posted a quote
July 23, 2012 12:16am UTC

S- SUPERRRR MAN ( to all wittians)
T- The God to all Socially Awkward Teenagers! ( No offense)
E- Extra AWESOMEEE!
V- Veryyyy intelligent!
E- Excellent Guy!

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points

emma_watson23
posted a quote
July 23, 2012 2:30pm UTC

a stranger stabs you
in the front;
a friend stabs you
in the back;
a boyfriend stabs you
in the heart;
but best friends
only poke eachother
with straws

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 10 points

LandonIsWitty
posted a quote
July 22, 2012 11:58pm UTC

me: omg its only 7 i have time to go on witty!
me: lol, quotes.
me: ahahhahah
me: oh, thats original. not.
me: "i'm a guy, gimme favs, wah"
me: was i like that?
me: ... hope not. jeez.
me: *adds quote*
me: *eats dinner while still on witty*
me: *gets yelled at by mom*
me: *takes shower*
me: *brings phone in shower so i can still read quotes*
me: *adds quote from shower*
me: *gets out, gets ready to sleep*
me: *checks time*
clock: 11:57 am
me:
clock:
me:
clock:
me:
clock:
me: h o l y f u d g e
me:
me:
me:
me:
me: just enough time to add a quote about my failure of a life!
me: *adds quote*
me: *stalks quote until it gets a fave*
me:
me:
me:
me:
me:
me: this has been a productive night.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 931 points

MeeAndYoou
posted a quote
July 22, 2012 5:18pm UTC

Guys: Girls think period cramps are bad? Try getting kicked in the balls.
Me: Okay, I'm sorry, but you're an idiot. Number one, we could never get kicked in the balls because we can't grow them. Numero dos, period cramps are sore as sh*t. Three, even if you got kicked in the balls once a month (which you don't) the pain DOES NOT last for a week. Four, you can't bleed from between your legs for a week and live. Five, Shut the f*ck up and actually use one of your very little amount of brain cells and think before you speak, or you'll get girls on their period wanting to stab you with very pointy objects. K. Thanks. Bye.

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LinaBina
posted a quote
July 22, 2012 4:38pm UTC

There has been a question on my mind ever since I was a child,
....How do mermaids pee?

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SpecialSomeone
posted a quote
July 16, 2012 10:49am UTC

R.I.P;
I know many of you wont care. but this is something that kills me.
I'm putting my cat down because I'm almost 1000% sure she has cancer. She can't walk, or meow. it sucks to look at her and know that she is suffering. To look at my cat and think I can't go on without her. She's mine. She has always been. Knowing that she is gone will eat me alive. I just want to know my witty family is there for me. I need you all to be there for me.
this quote was just a vent... also to see if anyone really cared...
rest.in.peace.cuddles. <3
●●●●●●●●●●●●●●

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AustinH
posted a quote
July 12, 2012 9:23pm UTC

When somebody
asks you
"Why?",
just say "Why not?".
It get's them
everytime
:D

👍 this is good · read the comments · 298 points

LoveLikeWoexD
posted a quote
October 22, 2011 9:29pm UTC

Blanket on; to hot.
Blanket off; to cold.
One leg out; Perfect.
until the demon
from paranormal activity grabs it and drags you down the hall

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BRUNOMARSISAMAZING
posted a quote
December 18, 2011 6:41pm UTC

Did you know?
If you say
"Raise Up Lights"
you just said
"Razor Blades"
in an Austrailian accent
[fav if you just tried]

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honeyBunnsx
posted a quote
August 13, 2011 8:06pm UTC

Jingle bells
Facebook smells.
Tumblr go away.
Myspace yuck,
bebo sucks.
Witty all the way. AYEEEEE.
♥

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NeverForgetYourBeauty
posted a quote
April 22, 2012 10:52am UTC

My mom thinks witty is full of old men.
Please fave this if you're not an old man.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 4522 points

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deathwish616