Hi guys, I'm Ali. I'm 14 and I absolutely love scary movies and music. I love heavy metal and stuff like that. I pretty much like any kind of food, except for chocolate. I'm pretty weird and awkward, so people tend to avoid me. I've been battling depression and self-harm for a few years and I'm not a bad listener, so if any of you need someone, you can come to me.
Okay, you can just skip over this. Hey guys. Sorry I haven't been on lately. It's just lately I've felt so distant. Like the things I used to love and spend most of my time doing, I just don't like doing them anymore. Since I've been gone, I've been hearing these voices at night. Maybe it's just me going crazy, but I hope it's something that will take me away from here. Just know that whatever happens to from now on, I'll be okay. I'll be free.
Sorry for posting this, but I had to get this stuff off my chest. You can just skip over it... I'm just over it. I'm done with all of Taylor's crap, the lies. You know everything, from the cutting to the suicidal thoughts , but you don't take it seriously. You think it's all a joke and I do it because I'm "forever alone." No, that's not why. You also think it's okay to make jokes about it to other people and continue to call me names. I thought I could trust you, but apparently not. I don't know who I can trust. Okay, so Kim. You have changed so much. You drag me to church every Wednesday and sometimes Sunday, even though I don't believe in that stuff. You always hit me and call me "stupid." Maybe it's just me, but I don't think friends are supposed to do that. You also dated my ex. That sort of hurt, but I didn't tell you that. You have been my best friend since Kindergarten, and when Hayden told you I cut, all you said was "oh." Yeah, I would've at least thought you would've done something or said something other than that. Maybe that's just me. Alright, now to Hayden. You remember outside when I told you about what Taylor and I were talking about? Yeah, well that hurt. A lot actually. I thought you cared. I hoped you did, if you really want the truth. I don't know what it is, but I feel like I have to trust you. Maybe I'm going crazy. nmf
In the car with my mom. Mom: You act like your life sucks, but it doesn't. You get everything you want, you ungrateful child. Me: Actually, life does suck. Every single day I wakeup and drag through the day wanting to die and feeling lonely. I get laughed at and picked on a lot, too. I'm struggling with my grades and get yelled at. I stay up late every night crying because I wish I could be pretty and skinny like everyone else around me, sometimes I stay up wishing I could die. I don't have any energy to do anything anymore, and all I want to do is sleep. I'm slowly being sucked into this vortex of sadness and loneliness, but you don't seem to care. So just because you buy me stuff when I ask for it, doesn't necessarily mean that I have the best life even and that I'm happy.
Imagine having a really big spider as a pet that didn't jump or bite or do anything scary, just like a two-foot long spider that just sits there and follows you around like a puppy and speaks english and when it talks, it has a really deep voice andtalks ing a really agressive voice and rarely speaks, but when it does it only says helpful things like "yo, man there's balloons on sale in the next aisle for like 90% off" in it's really deep spider voice and it's just like really chill spider overall. ♥
bluecat2113 posted a quote
November 21, 2012 3:37pm UTC
I have been starving myself for quite awhile, but today, I finally ate. I hate myself for it. I promised myself I wouldn't eat.. Not only do I feel terrible, but I feel fatter than ever. I'm even a disappointment to myself.
---VENT--- Today, I realized that none of the guys I've dated have even like me. Not even my first boyfriend, who I was crazy in love with. Not even Phoenix(who I sort of liked at first) but all he did was want in my pants. He made me feel used and unloved. Now Logan (who just broke up with me yesterday over text) made me feel used too. He just dated me because he felt sorry for me. I hate myself for actually fall ing for these guys. I also realized that I couldn't like anyone else after I dated Hayden(my first). I only dated the others to try to feel something. But now, I'm falling (and have been for a while) in love with Blake. I'm afraid I will break his heart, and just make him hate me. We have been best friends since 1st grade.. I don't want to risk that friendship or ruin what we have. But I love him, and it's killing me not to tell him. -If you read this whole thing, Thank you--
*My friend and our conversation* Her: ..But why do you do it, I mean you're life isn't that bad. Me: You honestly have no clue do you? All the stuff I've been through the past years? All my 'friends have left me, or act like they hate me. I hate myself, everything about me. My dad has been in jail and had to go through rehab. My mom ignores me and probably hates me. I have absolutely no one. But you know, through it all, my blades have always been there. They are the only thing that relieves this..pain. Her: .... *True story.*
Hi.. So I have an assignment for school that I have to get done and so I thought that you guys could help.. I need your opinions on suicide and self-harm. No comments will be deleted unless they are really rude. Thanks!:)