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ans2125

  1. ans2125 ans2125
    posted a quote
    June 4, 2013 3:28pm UTC
    “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” - Winston Churchill

  2. ans2125 ans2125
    posted a quote
    June 4, 2013 3:20pm UTC
    “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on.” - Robert Frost

  3. ans2125 ans2125
    posted a quote
    June 4, 2013 2:47pm UTC
    why not?
    I bet no guy has the guts to write me a
    paragraph in my comment box on my profile that I will never forget.
    Girls, pass this on and see who the nicest guy is on Witty. See what guy can actually write a paragraph that will surprise you.
    Not mine. I'm just curious.

  4. ans2125 ans2125
    posted a quote
    December 24, 2012 8:34pm UTC
    Who's hot?....It's you
    Who's Charming?...It's you
    Who's the sweetest?...It's you
    Who's intelligent?...It's you
    Who's a dear and near friend?...It's you
    Who's a liar?...It's me

  5. ans2125 ans2125
    posted a quote
    December 24, 2012 8:32pm UTC
    Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?
    Nurse: No change yet.

  6. ans2125 ans2125
    posted a quote
    December 24, 2012 8:30pm UTC
    A wife is sleeping in the middle of the night, she suddenly shouts: "Get up quickly my husband is here!!"
    The man gets up from the bed, jumps out the window, hurts himself and then realizes "Damn, I am the husband!"
    Who's guilty in the situation???

  7. ans2125 ans2125
    posted a quote
    December 24, 2012 8:28pm UTC
    I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

  8. ans2125 ans2125
    posted a quote
    December 24, 2012 8:25pm UTC
    The four stages of life:
    1. You believe in Santa Clause
    2. You don't believe in Santa Clause
    3. You are Santa Clause
    4. You look like Santa Clause

  9. ans2125 ans2125
    posted a quote
    December 24, 2012 8:23pm UTC
    The four food groups:
    1. Fast
    2. Frozen
    3. Instant
    4. Chocolate

  10. ans2125 ans2125
    posted a quote
    December 24, 2012 4:59pm UTC
    Teacher: Name two pronouns
    Student: Who? Me?

  11. ans2125 ans2125
    posted a quote
    December 24, 2012 4:55pm UTC
    click to see this quote

  12. ans2125 ans2125
    posted a quote
    December 16, 2012 12:23pm UTC
    Whats hairy on the outside and moist inside, begins with a C and ends with a T and has U and N in the middle?
    Highlight for answer
    COCONUT
    jeez what did you think i was gonna say

  13. ans2125 ans2125
    posted a quote
    December 16, 2012 12:19pm UTC
    1. Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
    2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
    3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
    4. Only in America...do people orger double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
    5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
    6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
    7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we wont miss a call from someone we didnt want to talk to in the first place
    8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packs of ten and buns in packs of eight.
    9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'poli' in Latin meaning many and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'
    10. Only in America...do we have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
    11. Only in America...can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box and a draft dodger live in the White House.

  14. ans2125 ans2125
    posted a quote
    December 16, 2012 11:53am UTC
    Fact of Life: When a girl attains maturity, she wants to wear a bra...when a boy attains maturity, he wants to remove that bra...
    not my quote

  15. ans2125 ans2125
    posted a quote
    December 16, 2012 10:50am UTC
    Blonde Joke
    A blonde on the verge of bankruptcy, sees God as her only hope. She prays to God for help. "God, please help me, I've lost my business and i need some money. Im going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the Lottery."
    Lotto night comes and goes, and somebody else wins it.
    The desperate blonde prays again, "God, please let me win the Lottery! I've lost my business, my house and now, im going to lose my car as well."
    This time too, she was unlucky, and someone else won the Lottery.
    She again prayed, " My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. I have always been a good servant to you. Please let me win the Lottery just this one time so i can save the life of my kids.
    Suddenly, there was a flash of green light and there emereged God.
    God said to amazed blonde " Sweetheart, please work with me on this...go buy a ticket"
    Not my joke

  16. ans2125 ans2125
    posted a quote
    December 16, 2012 10:33am UTC
    click to see this quote

  17. ans2125 ans2125
    posted a quote
    December 16, 2012 10:23am UTC
    I know this is kinda long but its worth reading
    So a blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, " I ask a question, and if you dont know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa." Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you dont know the answer, you pay me $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500." This catches the blondes attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. " What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" the blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a 5 dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. "okay" says the lawyer, "Your turn" she asks the lawyer, "what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends an e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500. The blonde says, "Thank you" and turns back to get some more sleep. The Lawyer who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, " well, whats the answer?" Without a work, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep. And you thought blondes were dumb.
    Not mine, just thought it was funny

  18. ans2125 ans2125
    posted a quote
    December 15, 2012 9:29pm UTC
    There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
    I wonder how many people will get this lol

  19. ans2125 ans2125
    posted a quote
    December 15, 2012 9:02pm UTC
    How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
    We dont know, it never happens

  20. ans2125 ans2125
    posted a quote
    December 15, 2012 8:58pm UTC
    Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted to doing it. Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
    Louis:yes, because George still had the ax in his hand

:)

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