*when I'm away somewhere*
friend: let's hang
best friend: i'm going to see this awesome movie wanna come
boyfriend: we should go on a romantic date tonight, one time offer
person who never talks to me: hey I just remembered you exist want to chill
neighbor: i really need a babysitter I'll pay you twice the normal amount
barak obama: come spend the day with me at the white house I'll fly you out in a private jet
*when I'm home with no plans*
me: who wants to hang out?
friend:
bestfriend:
boyfriend:
dog:
brothers:
tree:
rock:
human population:
me: at least I have witty
internet: lol no, I don't feel like working today you're on your own