I don't excpect anyone to read this. But if you do, and you read it all. I cannot tell you how much i love you.
It started.. way, way back. In January.
I told him i liked him.
He told me he liked me back. I thought this was the best day of my life.
But i wish i could take everything i said to him, back.
No one knew how much i liked him. Infact they knew i liked him. They didnt know that I was absoloutly head over heels, madly inlove with someone who i thought didnt even notice me.
The next day, he told me he liked me as a friend.
I was heart broken. I thought I would to ANYTHING to get him back. But at the same time, I wanted to rip his head off :L
I told him to get stuffed and to never speak to me again, and that he lead me on.
He replied with, no i mean i dont LOVE you, i just like you.
As you know, i would do anything for him, so me being completely stupid, i said.. Alright.
We liked eachother.
For those two months, i was happy. Like, HAPPY. I had NEVER been that happy, i HATED the weekends because i didnt get to see him, and i woke up earlier on Mondays to Fridays, JUST to see him at school. I enjoyed school more, and loved my life.
BAM, A couple of days later, there i was crying over the fact that HE TOLD MY BEST FRIEND THAT HE LIKED HER. AND TOLD HER NOT TO TELL ANYONE . I didnt tell ANYONE this, but i wanted to kill myself. It was such a horrible stage. I honestly cant believe i have moved on. Till this day, it is still hard for me to look him in the eye at school.
I confronted him, told him i had been balling me EYES OUT, and that he broke my heart and i knew that he liked me best friend.
He said he was so sorry, and he is the most f*cked up person in the world.
I agreed with him on that one..
So i told him to pick, me or my best friend. He chose ME ♥
Happy, happy, happy i was again. He asked for me to be his valentine on Valentines day.
We played cute for a while. Until, CAMP.
I still cant believe this happened to me.
At camp when I was on my Canoo trip with my group, he basiclly told everyone that he rated me a 5/10, which means he DIDNT LIKE ME. He ended up liking another girl, bit i will get to that a bit later on..
Anyways, so when i came back from my canoo trip, on the last day of camp, my friends, and EVERYONE knew about it. I felt so humiliated.
One of my best friends dragged me away and told me what happened.
Did I mention that he also believed some DISCUSTING rumors about what i APPARENTLY wanted to 'do' to him? A l l f * c k i n g L I E S H E B E L I E V E D .
I cried, and cried and CRIED in my tent that night. I had to be extremely silent because there were other tents surrounding me..
So when we got back from camp, on facebook (chat) we talked, and talked about what he said, and stuff. It went badly.
I finally told him i loved him.
finally.
FINALLY.
That took me, S O much courage. He replied with, i dont want a girlfriend. k?
I was HEART BROKEN. I FELT LIKE MY LIFE WAS OVER, AND I HAD NOTHING TO LIVE FOR.
At the end of our argument, i asked him if he still liked me..
He said he sort of likes another girl.
I asked for him to choose,
a girl that loves you and who's heart skips a beat E V E R Y T I M E she sees you, or a girl that dosnt like you back.
He chose h e r .
So ever since, i have been trying to get over him. It's been an OKAY one and a half months..
I thought i was over him. But today i cried over him. I havnt ever cried that many tears.
I cried because he broke my heart, and i think i still have a little left over feelings for him.
If you read this all, please, please fave this so i know.
Also, i love you. If you need to talk to me about any guy issues, PLEASE, it cannot possibly be as bad as what I am going through♥
mayday
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