Pardon_Moi's Favorites

capsized*
posted a quote
March 21, 2014 3:03pm UTC

school: please get a full night of sleep
school: but don't forget to do 876543 hours of homework
school: and study for tests
school: be a well rounded student by joining clubs school: and participating in sports so you don't come home till 6pm
school: don't be late for school
school: but make sure you eat a full meal in the morning
school: kids need a balanced diet
school: here eat cardboard with red paint, it's called "pizza"
school: if you don't type and double space your paper i'm not counting it
school: but don't use the internet while doing homework

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 29 points

capsized*
posted a quote
March 21, 2014 4:25pm UTC

are there actually people out there who make their beds every morning or is that just a myth

👍 this is good · read the comments · 50 points

phee*

posted a quote
March 22, 2014 8:22am UTC

What if prisons let prisoners take their own mug shots?
Cellfies.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 18 points

spence*
posted a quote
March 22, 2014 1:08pm UTC

“I dont care about looks”
LIAR YOU’RE A LIAR
YOU ARE LYING

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happiest*
posted a quote
March 22, 2014 4:47pm UTC

hello 911 my sock is falling down inside my shoe

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 112 points

happiest*
posted a quote
March 22, 2014 4:53pm UTC

I know of a kid who was in a coma for a week and when he woke up the first thing he did was panic because he had homework due and I think that sums up the American school system pretty well

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 207 points

capsized*
posted a quote
March 22, 2014 7:41pm UTC

me waking up: i can't wait to go to sleep tonight

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capsized*
posted a quote
March 24, 2014 1:28am UTC

i would pay $1000 to see Obama in Frozone’s super suit

👍 this is good · read the comments · 23 points

writtenrain*
posted a quote
January 28, 2014 5:52pm UTC

So we have a student teacher in my Language Arts class and today we all had to tell her one thing about us and this one guy goes "I used to be able to dance like Beyoncé until I developed Dancer's Hip." and the student teacher just goes "oh really?" and he goes "Yes it's self-diagnosed." So someone asked what it was and I kid you not, with a straight face he replies "It's when your hips begin to lie." And that's when I knew this kid was going places.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 12 points

happiest*
posted a quote
January 29, 2014 1:12pm UTC

when girls press their whole body against you when they hug, it means they like you a lot. also, they’re measuring your body to determine how long it will take them to eat your flesh, a technique shared by boa constrictors

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 160 points

DeathOfASon
posted a quote
June 21, 2013 2:53pm UTC

Me: What do you call a nun in a wheel chair?
Mom: What?
Me:
Mom:
Me: Virgin Mobile
Mom: Go to your room.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 26 points

DeathOfASon
posted a quote
June 25, 2013 8:40pm UTC

I am more pllissed off than a dragon trying to blow out birthday candles

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 24 points

DeathOfASon
posted a quote
June 25, 2013 8:47pm UTC

How to excite a whole crowd of white people:
-Play don't stop believin' by Journey.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 9 points

DeathOfASon
posted a quote
June 26, 2013 5:26pm UTC

Why did the duck get arrested?
because he was selling quack

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 19 points

DeathOfASon
posted a quote
June 27, 2013 1:56pm UTC

There's a fine line between tan and looking liked you rolled around in Doritos.

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DeathOfASon
posted a quote
June 18, 2013 4:40pm UTC

Witty add: Are you trying to get pregnant?
Me: Not exactly...

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points

DeathOfASon
posted a quote
June 17, 2013 4:41pm UTC

In Catholic school
We are told that Jesus is the answer to everything. So one time during a math test I wrote Jesus for ever answer. I got a 100.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 93 points

ShortGirlsDoItBetter
posted a quote
June 17, 2013 4:23pm UTC

"Peole don't want to hear about your diet. Just shut up, eat your lettuce, and be sad."

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 15 points

DeathOfASon
posted a quote
June 14, 2013 7:51pm UTC

The intense pain of
doing a math question on a multiple choice test and getting an answer that isnt even listed as one of the choices

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 9 points

DeathOfASon
posted a quote
June 16, 2013 12:17pm UTC

When I was little I threw a tantrum because my dad wouldn't get me a slushie from 711 and I remember my dad saying, " I will never buy you a slushie." And literally right now he came into the car with a slushie and I was like, "Why didn't you get me one?" and he looked at me dead in the eye and said, "Remember when you were six?"

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 14 points

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Pardon_Moi