I'm Leah..So yeah, hi(:
Talk to me if you want to talk!
I'm a freshman this year, taking biology, French, and ceramics.
I like good, meaningful music.
A lot of my quotes are from books and movies..
thats all I really have to say, thanks for coming to my page!
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Don't you dare say suicide is the easy way out, or that it's cowardly. To end it all right there, without knowing whats going to happen. Not knowing where you'll end up or if you'll end up anywhere at all. Leaving everything behind to just rot in the dirt. Your thoughts will no longer exist. I think that takes bravery. Sick, awful bravery.
I cut myself for the first time today. I had scratched myself before, barely broke the surface of my skin. But today, I really cut myself. My dad was screaming, my mom was crying. It was my fault, all my fault. I was sitting in the bathtub, my head was pounding and I couldn't escape. My body hurt so much but I wasn't in any physical pain. I didn't feel alive. I took my shaving razor and chucked it against the wall, watching the fractures fall to the ground. I took a broken part of the shiny blade and sliced the side of my thigh furiously. Once, twice, then three times. I stared at the gashes, and the weights strangling my chest suddenly released as blood started to trickle out of the wounds. I could breathe again. The only grip I had on reality was the tears burning my eyes and the hot red blood sliding down my leg.
The hardest thing for me is letting myself digest food. Letting all those calories seep into my bloodstream. Letting my belly inflate and weight increase. The fat and carbs and sodium and sugar infest my insides. Its so hard to allow myself to digest food. It's so easy to go into the bathroom and simply shove a finger down my throat. Seeing all my sugary, fatty, calorie enemies flow down the drain. Keeping myself empty and clean.
So I was babysitting today. The 7 year girl always plays house, and always pretends to make phone calls with a toy phone. So, I brought her my old Motorola flip phone that doesn't work anymore. I remember when I was little I used to love playing with old cell phones, so I expected her to be excited that she could play with a real phone now, not a plastic one. After I give the phone to her she looks at me, literally throws the phone on the floor and says, "That's stupid. Don't bring me a cell phone to play with unless it's an Iphone." Oh my God, It has begun...
What they say: "I broke my Ipod touch, so I just got an Iphone instead of replacing it!" What I hear: "I was irresponsible and I cant take care of this 200$ electronic. So I rewarded myself by getting an over 600$ electronic instead. Let's see how long it takes me to break this one too!"
It took me too long to realize that all the things that make me happy, are very small things. Happiness is when my dad kisses my forehead in the morning. Happiness is making a stranger smile. It's going to ceramics class, and not caring that my clothes get messy. Happiness is making pancakes at night. What makes you happy?
What is beautiful? Having a big smile? The amount of make-up you wear? Having a lot of friends? The gap between your thighs? Having clear skin? The grades on your report card? Wearing brand name clothes? Having self-confidence? Beautiful. You know what beautiful is? A word. It's a word we put too much emphasis on. Don't be beautiful, be yourself.