They say there are five stages of grief to go through when something dies.
As our friendship crumpled, I felt that.
I was in denial for a while. I refused to believe that we were growing apart, that the not-talking-accidentally was beginning to span more than a few days, but weeks upon weeks; months. I ignored the problem, let the anger and fear fester in me as it became darker and deeper and uglier -- until I couldn't handle it anymore.
The fury took me over -- at you, in the cruel words I threw at you that you really didn't need to hear; and in the sanctions I placed over myself, not letting anyone into my heart again; not trusting myself to trust. God, I was so angry. And that anger, that rage at you and me the world and its oceans -- that was so toxic, and so dangerous. And I hurt you so much; too much. You didn't try to stop me. That's what I did to you. (To us.)
The pleading -- oh, it hurts to even think about. Begging, urging, shouting, screaming, bartering and bargaining time and effort and thoughts and love that should never be promised away. It was like breaking something made of glass, pushing it together, drowning it in water and forcing it to stick together -- but the tighter I held, the more shards broke off.
You fell back into depression. I refused to accept that I was slipping, too. Silence didn't help. The anger dug the graves deeper and was lost on the way; the begging fell into murmuring, into silence, into resentment and regret.
It takes two people to break a relationshp apart, and two to build it anew. Our friendship is precious. You are precious. Even if we never get there again, know that you helped a twelve year old girl heal herself. You put the band-aids on my childhood wounds. You taught me to walk again. You made me smile after bad days. You gave me courage. You opened my eyes to the world; all the opportunities, chances, miracles, tragedies, colours-- you gave me that sight. You are one of the best things that ever happened to me.
I will keep reaching my hand forward, and keep hoping that one day, you will turn around again. Thank you. Thank you.
seafoam*
Lost_Girl_98*
ChristineCaroluz*
Nicole🙊*
circe
Pinkygirl07
Carla Crahan.*
Abiageal M*
Amenah
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The1975*