Its so hard to have so much to say, but for no one to be listning..
i dont really expect anyone to read this.. if you are, thank you....... im not doing this to get a top quote.... im just doing it to rant.... because while most of the girls in my school turn to the knife... i turn to witty, and my witty sisters.... its just a while ago me and this guy.. i guess you could say we had a thing... i loved him. he loved me back.. we were inseperatable. when i was with him, i could forget all my flaws, i could forget all my mistakes.... i could only be myself when i was with him. That was last summer. as soon as the school year started, he saw his ex girlfriend, Madison. her prancing around in her booty shorts and talk top, her entire bra showing.. he fell for her again. he broke my heart. i put on a brave face, and always went to school smiling, but keeping all that hurt and anger building up inside you isnt healthy. i stopped eating. i lost touch with my friends.. i didnt think i would ever love again, ever feel the same again... after a while my two bestfriends noticed my downfall, and picked me back up and i laned on my feet. i will never forget the things they told me, and how much it matered. sometimes i still cried myself to sleep at night, thinking of all our momories, reading all of our texts...... almost a year later, we started texting again. i swore to myself i wouldnt fall for his act again, that he was a player and would only break my heart. im sure we've all heard those promises. i looked back in my life to find when i was happiest, and it was when i was with him. he made my compleet. it was like we were two missing peices to the puzzle... meant to fit together. he never talked to me at school, only over facebokook and text. ocasionally we would find ourselfs hanging out on the weekends, drawn together by mutual friends... somewhere along the way i fell in love again. looking back at it now, i see i was wrong about more than one thing. for starters, he wasnt a player. he legitamatly cared about my feelings. the second thing i was wrong about it that i didnt fall in love AGAIN, i never stopped loving him. i had other boyfriends, but i never really let this one guy go. after a while of texting, he confessed that he likes me, too. i was over the moon happy. he already knew i still liked him, but he told me we could only be friends. he said it would hurt grant too much. Grant is one of my ex boy friends. i thought i loved him... i didnt. i was wrong. i wasnt mean, i was just wrong. Grant and this guy were Best Friends... Are best friends... so this guy and i kept texting. he was amazing at being amazing.. i didnt undersand how he always made me laugh and smile.. so the other day, i told him that i didnt like the way his friend was treating me... (Grant.. thats his friernd) evern since Grant and i broke up, he was a compleet jerk to me. he called me names, he hurt me, turned all his friends against me.... all of his friends exept for this guy. but this guy also never stood up for me... never told Grant he was being rude and mean, and that i didnt deserve it.. i didnt dererve it! but... he was too afraid to face his friend. i told him how i felt, how much it was hurting me that he claimed he cared about me, but he let Grant throw me around like a peice of dirt. after i sent him a message saying that, he apologized. i apologized too, thinking i was too harsh... i guess i was... he stopeed replying to me. its been about two weeks, and it hurts so much. sometimes i feel like it would be esier to turn to the knife, to act like its not bothering me... but i know better than that. i know that eventually i will move on... find someone who makes me feel as special as that guy did. maybe it will be him... maybe it wont... and i dont know what writing this will acomplish, but all i know is that i just need one person, one kid person to read this, and to tell me that it will be okay.. that people DO caree.... thats all i need. if someone read this entire thing, i thank you... you helped me... goodbye.
Babynewyear69