I think a lot of people forget when they're talking to me that I'm sick. I'm not well. I think they forget that I have to take medicine I'm afraid of every day, and there are no days when a voice in my head doesn't say 'just kill yourself' -- at stupid mundane times, like in the middle of reading a book or writing a text or washing the dishes or locking the front door. For no apparent reason, the voice says 'I'm going to kill myself', even when I don't think it's been a bad day or anything. It's become a part of my mental lexicon, just as much as 'thank you' and 'sorry'. Reliably, every day -- just kill yourself. I am not well, and even the people who know seem to forget because I don't talk about it. I wish it was as easy for me to forget. But that's not the case.
Amenah
