You wouldnt notice if someone really wanted to die or not.
You wouldnt notice that when you look away from them they stop smiling. You dont notice the way they become more controlled. Their laugh is controlled, Their smile even smaller, fake. Maybe every once in awhile you will catch them with this sad distant look in their eyes. You will notice how they seem to just stare into nothing, like their alone and completley gone. You probably won't notice the way the slowly start to distant themselves, they don't say as much. They stop telling you about themselves. Maybe they make up excuses saying "Sorry I'am busy" or "No I'am a little tired" and you will believe them. You will make a joke that tears them, but they will laugh it off. Every time. You may say something on accident "maybe you should kill yourself" and they will laugh that off but inside they feel like you actually meant it. No matter what, thats what they think. Maybe if you paid more attention. Would you notice how their skin became more covered up? They're wearing jackets when its clearly hot out. Their hands are constantly pulling the sleeves down more, trying to cover up their fingers to. They just dont want to be seen, but its so subtle. Maybe you compliment them, their answers become shorter. Just a simple "Thanks". Of course they dont believe it, they think their all lies. Even though they say it with a smile on their face, watch out for that empty look in their eyes. Just pay attention to them. It's nearly impossible to spot someone with self-hate, unless you're one of them.
But just never look away.
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