and i can
admit
to myself that
i'm scared.
i still feel stupid
and hate myself sometimes.
i still get nervous.
sometimes i take my
feelings out on
others.
i'm not
perfect. i forget important
things.
i still try my
best. i apologise and strive to do
better.
i still get
anxious, i still feel
this knot form in
my stomach and
this pressure
settle down on
my chest.
i still feel the
beads of
sweat on my skin and still i
sometimes don't have
all the answers.
anyone in my
shoes would feel the
same, i'm
certain.
i'm doing
okay, but i
can do better.
i still feel
stupid and hate myself
sometimes, i'm dreading saturday
and the potential mistakes i
can make.
the potential people i can
upset and the
potential
enemies i
can make. the
potential disagreements
and
the potential
action i would have to
take in the future.
i'm learning but
i'm still
scared. when this year ends
it'll all be
like clockwork.
until then i
need to keep
striving
and surviving.
i've made
it this far. that
has to count for
something.
