I need help. My mind is a mess and I feel trapped. I
think of the future and I don’t want one.
I don’t want a
future. I don’t believe in a time after, my now is just too
contorted. I feel like I am being held at gun point and instead
of appeasing the psychopath, I am taunting him, edging him on,
persuading him in my sarcastic, sadistic manor so he can just
pull the fücking trigger already. I’ve carved my initials into
that bullet and I long for the taste of lead. I am a concept, I
am a part of time and the universe, but I am fairly certain that
my atoms could combine into something much more useful than this
hollow carcass I puppeteer through life. I just want to slash the
strings and sink into nothingness. Sink into the unfathomably
bottomless darkness that beckons to me in my dreams. I cannot
shake the feeling that I was never suppose to exist and now it is
time to go home, to cease from this world and never enter
another. I was an anomaly, an out-liar, a bump in a supposedly
smooth road. I should not be here. I am not a person, I am not a
spirit or a soul. I am nothing. This was a mistake.
