JimmyIsWeird · 1 decade ago
Great story and all but could I give you a few helpful hints?
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bluegreeneyes28 · 1 decade ago
absolutely always open to feedback
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JimmyIsWeird · 1 decade ago
Overall this is a great story but a few minor editing texts might help.
Just a few little things like:
Always centering the text makes people go back and check who said what because nothing is truly indented. (I have done this throughout all four chapters)
Also, even though the story is great and you are just trying to establish characters, you don't want to focus on the monologue for both characters. Give them more to think about such as the décor in the room or how the lights sparkled in her eyes or something more than repetitive text.
Another thing is do you have any other big twists to the story?? Don't explain them here but I am curious and I cant wait to hear the rest of the story! :D
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bluegreeneyes28 · 1 decade ago
thank you for your feedback! I will for sure be working on these throughout the story. Yes there are a few more twist coming to the story. I love that your excited!
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