Christina* · 1 decade ago
I really liked your story, except I suggest that you add a little more details on the setting. Like whether you're cold, hot. What it smells like. Another thing is this: since the story is written first person perspective it is difficult to tell what the other characters are thinking, so throw in some actions that they do. Example; Sam raised an eye brow and crossed her arms. Her curious eyes shifted from Dave to me.) See that sentence showed us that Sam was curious as to what Lyra and Dave were doing. Other than that the story was really good, you should keep writing. Just make sure you show what they do instead of telling us. :)
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tigersforever · 1 decade ago
thank you i never thought of that, do you have any ideas about how dave could propose i cant think of anything
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Christina* · 1 decade ago
Hmm. You should have Lyra bake a cake and have Dave put a ring in the cake. But what happens is, you acidently give the slice with the ring to someone else. Lyra and Dave freak out looking for the ring. Then they finally find it and Dave proposes. Or Dave could drop the ring, and Sam picks it up and automatically says yes. Orrrr lol Dave could be showing Lyra the ring, and Sam makes an assumption that Dave is proposing to her. That's all I could think of lol, let me know how it goes. And btw i need some help my self. I just posted a poll so if you would vote that be really great :)
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tigersforever · 1 decade ago
thank you, I think i have an idea now, and of course i'll take the poll
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Christina* · 1 decade ago
yay...you should write it today :P
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tigersforever · 1 decade ago
im writing a chapter right now where they plan it then chapter eleven is when i plan on it happenin although i might combine it im not sure
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Christina* · 1 decade ago
Hey, do whatever you wish, Just don't forget the details :P
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tigersforever · 1 decade ago
I think i added more details but i think i probly could have added more
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