The following
quotations are taken from official court records across the
USA, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders
operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the
slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.
Lawyer:
"Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
Witness: "I only have one, you
know."
-----
Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first
marriage terminated?"
Witness: "By death."
Lawyer: "And by whose death was it
terminated?"
-----
Accused, defending his own case: "Did you get a
good look at my face when I took your purse?"
-----
Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
Witness: "July 15th."
Lawyer: "What year?"
Witness: "Every year."
-----
Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who
attacked you looked like?"
Witness: "No. He was wearing a
mask."
Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the
mask?"
Witness: "Er...his face."
-----
Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it
affect your memory at all?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And in what ways does it
affect your memory?"
Witness: "I forget."
Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an
example of something that you've forgotten?"
-----
Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living
with you?"
Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five,
I can't remember which."
Lawyer: "How long has he lived with
you?"
Witness: "Forty-five years."
-----
Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband
said to you when he woke that morning?"
Witness: "He said, 'Where am I,
Cathy?'"
Lawyer: "And why did that upset
you?"
Witness: "My name is Susan."
-----
Lawyer: "What happened then?"
Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I
have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
Lawyer: "Did he kill
you?"
Witness: "No."
-----
Lawyer: "You were there until the time you
left, is that true?"
-----
Lawyer: "So you were gone until you
returned?"
-----
Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how
old is he?"
-----
Lawyer: "Were you alone or by
yourself?"
-----
Witness: "He was about medium height and had a
beard."
Lawyer: "Was this a male or a
female?"
-----
Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if
you recognize that picture."
Witness: "That's me."
Lawyer: "Were you present when that
picture was taken?"
-----
Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning
when you were sworn in?"
-----
Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are
now?"
Witness: "I'll be three months on
November 8."
Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of
conception was August 8?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "What were you doing at that
time?"
-----
Lawyer: "She had three children,
right?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "How many were boys?"
Witness: "None."
Lawyer: "Were there any
girls?"
-----
Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to
the basement?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go
up also?"
-----
Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's
name?"
Witness: "Borofkin."
Lawyer: "What's his first name?"
Witness: "I can't
remember."
Lawyer: "He's been your
brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his
first name?"
Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too
excited." (Rising and pointing to his brother-in-law)
"Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first
name!"
-----
Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you
performed on dead people?"
Witness: "All my autopsies have been
performed on dead people."
-----
Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the
deceased?"
Witness: "Yes sir."
Lawyer: "Before or after he
died?"
-----
Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
Witness: "He came home, and next
morning he was dead."
Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next
morning he was dead?"
-----
Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were
standing?"
Witness: "I could see his
head."
Lawyer: "And where was his
head?"
Witness: "Just above his
shoulders."
-----
Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented
this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder
trial?"
Witness: "The victim lived."
- This is from Tumblr. I just had to post it here because
it's so funny that I cried for 10 minutes straight.
(':
316 faves · 13 comments · Aug 26, 2012 10:42am
Katyax96
·
1 decade ago
HAHA LOOL
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reply
fabulous12379090
·
1 decade ago
Oh my gosh, this is hilarious!
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Harley91594
·
1 decade ago
Autopsies on dead people, lol!
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lilmisslittle
·
1 decade ago
HAHAHAHA THAT'S GREAT STUFF RIGHT THERE
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ghost town girl*
·
1 decade ago
'Were you present when the picture of you was taken' nooooooooo /facepalm/ XD
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Breeze
·
1 decade ago
THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER < 3
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ToriRox16
·
1 decade ago
"Did he kill you?" lolololol
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EvilAngel
·
1 decade ago
HAHAHA. v
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SocietyKilledTheTeenager
·
1 decade ago
I woke up my whole family because I was laughing so hard at this.. oops xD
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clandd55
·
1 decade ago
this>>>>>
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mexismoo
·
1 decade ago
wait wait wait... example of what you forgot?!?! pahahahahaha XD
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LivinSoDivine
·
1 decade ago
Lmfao, I reblogged this on Tumblr only a while ago, I STILL can't stop laughing
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zombies.are.kwl * · 1 decade ago
LOL AHAHAHA
0 reply