Everyones like, "zomg I can totally relate to Twilight!"

And I'm sitting here going, "Yup, I remember that time
when I jumped off a cliff because my pale & sparkly
vampire boyfriend left me, fell in love with my were-
-wolf best friend, got married to the pale & sparkly
vampire and then almost died giving birth to his half
vampire baby before he turned me into a vampire
by poisoning me. (oh, and my best friend fell in love
with my baby, but that was totally normal.)"