She lays in bed at
night staring up at the ceiling. Thoughts running through her
mind until her head is spinning. She's tired of hurting. She
says the pain grows old. Wants to feel something new. Needs the
pain to go. Change would be nice for once in this little
girl's life. Transformation from depression to happiness. But
happiness is to much to ask for. It would just disturb all of
this. Emptiness. Her heart is empty. But yet, still she has no
room in her heart to let somebody in. She lays awake late late at
night and thats when the tears usually stroll down
her cheeks. She cries until she is deep in sleep. Sleeping
restlessly because even upon sleep in the nightmares waiting for
her to close her eyes. Tossing and turning. Crying and fighting.
All to wake up and realize its not happening again, it was just a
dream. Curled up into a ball, scared of the outside world, she
wonders. She tries to pray but she just doesnt know what to say. Dear God, blank. So she
cries a little more. Everything will go away with day break and
she can fake her smile and go on with life. She wishes her family
saw the pain she feels but she still wears that mask. She wishes
her family saw the pain that even they cause. She tries living
for tomorrow but the pain of today and even yesterday still
haunts her. Sometimes she lays awake thinking about everything
and she wishes she were never born. Her mind is like a video
rewind til that awful nigh and replay over and
over again. No stop or pause or fast forward. She's angry and
has no one to blame except herself even though its not her fault.
She wonders to herself day after day what she did
wrong. Trying to get her to talk about what's on her
mind. She says no and turns her head to the side. Doesn't
know why its so hard to open up. She wishes she could but she
cant stand to face the pain. So she ignores the hurt and smiles
anyways. She acts like nothing is wrong
but even on a good day its hard to hide the pain inside. She lays
in bed late at night staring up at the ceiling. Thoughts running
through her mind til her head is spinning.