SHE'S BROKEN

      This story here is not some fairy-tale, it is not filled with happen endings and perfect love stories. This story is real, about what really goes on in a teenagers life. This story is about a girl who  seems perfect to the rest of the world but to herself, she is not. She is imperfect, she is sad, she is falling apart...she's broken. This girl, is me.

      My name is Aubrielle. I'm a 16 year old girl who seems to have a relatively normal life. I have blonde hair and big blue eyes. Pretty, you say? Nope, you've thought wrong. I'm going into my senior year of high school. I am on my schools's cheerleading team, which let me guess, you think dumb now, and again, you thought wrong. Now, I am not a size zero, I'm not a super model, I am what you can say normal. And to me, that's too big. Now don't go jumping to conclusions again and think oh great, she has an eating disorder, cause I don't. Guess you can say i don't have enough self control, and that drives me crazy. I wish I had the self control to deny food. But i guess we all have wishes.

      Well anyway, back in the beginning of 10th grade is when I started to fall apart. I had this group of friends you see, we were all very close. There was well me of course, my closest friends, Jessica and Adam, then there was Alex, Maddie and Bianca. Now we weren't that annoying group of friends that did every single thing together, we were just all there for each other. Don't get me wrong though, we had our fights yet we always made up. It was nothing near a "perfect friendship", yet that never mattered to us. Now this group was pretty much all I had. Then one day they were gone. They screwed me over. What they did, it just couldn't be forgotten. I made it known and they just left, and didn't care. I was crushed, confused, and scarred. Yet I learned to put my head up and move on.

      I found new friends, stupidly giving them my trust. When things started to look up for me, when I was starting to feel good again, when I found the light in my sea of darkness, it happened. Again. The new group of friends I had left, they suddenly just gave up on me. What did I do to them you ask? I didn't make the same team they did, and BAM I wasn't cool enough for them anymore. They just used me until they could get other friends, and yet again I was left all alone. Scarred and entering into the darkness again.

      You see, the darkness is not a good place. You feel alone, unwanted, untouchable, not important. It is truely scary. To get to the darkness is avoidable, but I couldn't stop it. I don't pay attention to myself, i care more for others then me. Sadly, once you enter the darkness, its like there is no way out.. And that's what i was starting to get to...again.

      No one knew though. I'm a very good actress when it comes to hiding my feelings. No one could see how I was breaking inside. But then again, no one cared enough to look if I was okay, they just cared about their "problems". As I was on the way to my darkness, everyone was telling about how this guy didn't like them, how they fought with their mom, how their plans didn't go as they planned. Everytime they told me i fought back to say "oh well I'm sorry for you but guess what, I hate life, I hate what and who i am, want to tell me your problem again?" Yet I never said it.

      I did not want to be seen as weak. I am the strong girl. I'm the one everyone can go to with their problems and I would be able to solve it. I would sit there and listen to whatever you had to say and not expect anything in return, or so they thought. I couldn't be broken in everyone's eyes. I'm the girl who can make your day when I can't even make my own. I'm the girl that can get through anything. I am strong. Well that's how everyone saw me, so why change it?