Dear world,
Please help. 
I'm 30 years old and I can't get a job other than working at a fast food place. My only co-worker hates me. I would talk to my boss, but all he cares about is money.
I'm in love with my best friend. She's smart, athletic, a gorgeous southern belle. But I'm stuck in the friend zone.
My only other friend is a guy who I'm pretty sure only talks to me because he's mentally handicapped.
And to top it all off, I live in a freaking pineapple.
Sincerely,
Spongebob.

(not mine)